From: <tchilsil@dynamite.com.au>
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 21:24:38 +1000
Subject: Story for submission 

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From: tchilsil@dynamite.com.au
Subject: Dark Moments
Date: 19 August 1998

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Disclaimer: X-Files, Mulder, Scully et al belong to CC, FOX, 1013 production
and anyone else I forgot to mention. No copyright infringement was intended.
Every thing else belongs to me:)

Title:  Dark Moments
By: Labilia
Rated: R
Classified: SVR
Summary:  Following on from the scene in Grotesque where Mulder and Scully
are standing on the roof top in front of Patterson's body.  Mulder's
involvement with the case has a side effect that results in both Mulder and
Scully being hurt.

Author's Note:  The episode of Grotesque really bothered me I realise that
it was just fiction but the thought that someone can enter a killer's mind
to catch them really holds a fascination to me personally.  The way the
X-File creators have molded (no pun intended) Mulder it appears that he has
the ability to merge with the mind of a killer.  Who's to say that on one of
these occasions he won't loose control of who he is.  That's what happens in
my story?  

If you have any comments send it to the above address.

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Dark Moments
By Labilia

As the ambulance pulled away Scully looked at Mulder.

'Are you going to be alright Mulder?'  She asked softly, Mulder was still
staring after the departing ambulance his eyes hazy.

'Mulder?'  Her voice finally penetrated his thoughts as he brought his
attention back to her.

'Yeah, I'll be fine.'  The smile he gave her didn't quite reach his eyes.
Still concerned over his mood Scully suggested.

'I think you should go to the hospital and get yourself checked out.' 

'I'm fine, Scully, all I need is a good nights rest.'  Walking her to her
car he opened the door and closed it when she got in.  Winding down the
window Scully looked at him, concern marring her brow.

'See you in the morning Scully.'  Giving him a hesitant smile she nodded and
watched him go to his car and drive away before starting her own car.

Before going home Scully stopped at the 24 hours shop to pick up couple of
items she needed.  When she finally reached home she tossed her coat on the
couch and headed straight into the bathroom.  Deciding that the only think
that was going to relax her was a nice hot bath.

As she turned on the water she unbuttoned her jacket and shrugged it off.
Back in the bedroom she stripped the rest of her clothes and slipped on her
bathrobe.  Not bothering to turn on the bedroom light she managed with the
thin light filtering in from the bathroom.  The man crouched in a dark
corner of her bedroom watched her silently, his hazel eyes burning into her
skin as he followed her every move.

In the bathroom Scully hung the bathrobe on the back of the door and
gratefully sunk into the warm bubbles.

The man didn't move for at least another 10 minutes, then slowly he took off
his coat and jacket and started unbuttoning this shirt.  By the time he
reached the bathroom he was naked, his bare feet silently approaching the
woman who was half-asleep in the bath.

He stopped inches away from her, crouching down next to the bath he reached
out with his left hand and without touching her ran his palm over the
exposed parts of her body.  He was holding his breath so that she would not
feel his presence.  His burning eyes hungrily following the movements of his
hand.  When she suddenly shifted her body came in contact with his hand her
eyes flew open in shock.

'Mulder?'  His hand having made contact with her arm now gripped it tightly,
grabbing her other arm he pulled her up the few inches to bring her face to=
 his.

His lips claimed hers in a savage kiss his tongue demanding and gaining
access to her mouth as he plundered every corner.  Scully was frozen in
shock, her brain trying to register what was happening.  When his hand moved
and found her breast it snapped her back to the present, placing both hands
on his chest she pushed him as hard as she could.

Mulder didn't budge, having anticipated her move he had tightened his hold
on her.  As his kiss deepened he half pulled her out of the bath, her
breasts pressing into his bare chest.  Scully couldn't stop the fear
gripping her stomach.  No matter how hard she struggled he seemed to counter
her.  When he suddenly pulled her out of the bath and slammed her into the
wall she screamed.  Since he was so much taller then her she found her feet
dangling off the ground her body held in place by his chest pressing into
hers.  He pinned her hands above her head as he grabbed her legs and pulled
them apart to position him self between them. 

'Mulder no, please stop, please don't do this.'  Her pleas echoed around the
room unheard by the man intent on possessing her.

Scully screamed as he thrust into her, he was so big and thrusting so hard
it felt like her body was being torn in two.  As he fell into a hard paced
rhythm her struggles weekend and eventually stoped, after what seemed an
eternity he gave one final thrust and came, filling her completely.  Scully
was crying silently her body shaking violently.  Throughout her ordeal she
had tried to watch his eyes, but all she could see was her own reflection in
them.  He didn't seem to recognise her or what he was doing.  When she felt
him going limp inside her she renewed her efforts to push him away.  When he
suddenly moved out and away from her, her legs wouldn't support her as she
crumbled to the ground. Drawing her knees tightly to her chest she lowered
her head and cried.

Mulder went back to her bedroom picking up his clothes he started getting
dressed.  Scully cried for a long time it was ages before she managed to
stand up and lock the bathroom door, then stepping into the shower she
turned on the water.

Back in her bedroom she turned on all the lights and looked around, scared
that Mulder would be waiting for her.  Wrapped tightly in her bathrobe she
ventured into her lounge room ready for anyone who might attack her.  She
was startled to see Mulder half dressed and sleeping soundly on her couch.
She was tempted to wake him and throw him out, but she was still feeling
very vulnerable and she wasn't sure she could handle him if he decided to
attack her again.  She tossed with the idea of calling the police but pushed
the thought away.  Cautiously she returned to her bedroom and locked the
door; not bothering to change into her pyjamas she crawled under the covers
and cried herself to sleep.

In the morning Mulder woke with a start it took him several minutes to focus
his eyes.  His head hurt and he couldn't remember anything.  When he
realised where he was he stood up and looked around wondering what he was
doing in Scully's apartment.

Approaching her bedroom door he tried the handle with the intention of
opening the door and seeing if Scully was awake.  He was surprised to see
that the door was locked.  Scully never locked the door.  Knocking gently he
called out.

'Scully are you awake?'  On receiving no answer he knocked louder.  'Scully
are you all right?'  After a long silence he heard her answer.

'I'm fine, Mulder.'  

'Scully?. What am I doing here?'  Scully was startled by the question; she
stared at the closed door as if trying to see his expression.  Mulder jumped
back when the door suddenly opened and Scully stood in front of him.
Wearing just her bathrobe, her hair loose and wild, her eyes red, as if she
had been crying, her lower lip swollen and trembling she looked like she had
been through a war.  When he reached for her she moved back far enough so
his hand would not make contact.

'You came over last night.'  She said flatly watching for his reaction.

'I-I don't remember.'  Again there was a long pause as she searched his face
to see if he was lying.

'What do you remember?'

'The last thing I remember is being on the roof standing over Patterson's=
 body.'

'You-you don't remember coming here last night?'  Mulder frowned as he tried
to concentrate.

'Did something happen?'

Scully tossed with the idea of telling him, then decided against it.  Maybe
it was all for the best that he couldn't remember.  This way they could keep
working together like nothing had ever happened.

'No, nothing happened, you were - you didn't want to be alone last night so
you asked if you could camp on my couch.'  Mulder seemed to accept her
explanation without question.  Looking around him as if in search of
something he asked.

'Do you know where my shoes are Scully?'  Going into her bedroom she
returned with his shoes.  Mulder frowned, he was about to ask what they were
doing in there when she went back into her bedroom and shut the door.

By the time Scully came out, she was dressed and ready for work.

'Want some coffee? Toast?'

'I'll just have coffee thanks.'

Sitting at the dinning table she watched him as he placed the coffee in
front of her, giving her a boyish grin he sat in the opposite chair.

'So how are you feeling today Mulder?'  Scully asked as she took a sip of
her coffee.  No sooner she had taken the sip she flinched and returned the
coffee cup to its saucer with a clutter.

'Ouch?' at her cry Mulder was beside her within seconds.

'What's the matter, are you hurt?'  Scully couldn't bring herself to look at
him, his breath was fanning her face and unwanted memories were flooding
into her, as she shook her head she tried to push her chair away.  She could
feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes and was scared she was going to
cry.

Mulder wouldn't let her move.  Instead he moved her hand away from her lips
and raised her face to his, gently running his fingers over her swollen
lower lip.

'Mulder, don't please.'  Scully whispered as she turned her face away from
his fingers.

'What happened Scully?'  He asked her again.

'I bit my lip, that's all.'  As she lied to him she couldn't get the image
of him biting and sucking her lip out of her mind.  Looking at her watch she
stood up. 

'We're going to be late for work.'   Without waiting for him she picked up
her bag and went to the front door.  Mulder watched her for a while then
reluctantly followed her.

The rest of the day flew past, as they were both kept busy filling reports,
checking evidence and preparing their expenses.  By the time they were ready
to call it a day it was already six o'clock.  

Scully was exhausted; her mind was ready to explode.  All day she had been
sidestepping him, trying not to give him an excuse to touch her.  She had
never been aware before how much Mulder invaded her private space; it seemed
he continuously found a reason to touch her.  She rationalised that it was
probably unintentional but in her current state of mind she was ready to
shoot him. 

'So Scully what exciting things have you got planned for the weekend?'

'Nothing much, I might drop in at mom's on Sunday.'

'Feel like a pizza and a movie tonight?'  He was startled to see the panic
in her eyes but she masked it so fast he thought he had imagined it.

'Um?thanks anyway Mulder, but I might give tonight a miss, I'm feeling a
little tired and want an early night.'

'Sure that's fine, how about tomorrow night?'  He sensed more than saw the
look of fear in her eyes.

'I already made plans for tomorrow night.  Take a raincheck?'   

'Sure fine, some other time than.'  He wanted to ask her about her plans for
tomorrow see if she had a hot date but wasn't sure how she would respond.
He sensed something wasn't right but couldn't put a finger on it.  Scully
breathed a sigh of relief she wasn't sure how long she could keep this=
 going.

When she got home the first thing she did was turn on all the lights and
thoroughly checked the house, once she was satisfied that Mulder wasn't
hiding anywhere she released a long tortured breath.  Promising herself that
she wouldn't think about Mulder she pushed thoughts of him away, trying to
bury them in her subconscious even if it was for only a few hours.  

Going into her bedroom she undressed and slipping on her bathrobe going into
the bathroom her intention was to turn on the water for her bath.  As she
reached for the taps her hand froze, as violent images from the night before
assaulted her.  Changing her mind she returned to her bedroom, pulled on a
t-shirt and jeans, threw some clothes into an overnight bag and left the
apartment.

'Hi mom, I - do you mind if I came over?'  

'Off course I don't mind'.  After a brief pause Margaret Scully asked. 'Are
you all right dear?'

'Sure, I just didn't want to be alone tonight that's all.'  Scully said into
her cell phone, trying hard to keep the tears out of her voice.

By the time she arrived at her mothers it was almost ten.  Margaret Scully
must have been watching out for her as she opened the door before Dana
knocked.  Seeing her daughter's red eyes and strained features Margaret took
the bag from her hands and placing an arm around Dana's shoulder guided her
into the house.

'Dana you look awful, what's the matter honey.'  Having her mother's arm
around her and hearing the concern in her voice caused Dana to loose what
little control she had over her emotions.  Without being able to stop
herself she burst into tears.  Margaret sat down on the couch and pulled
Dana into her arms, she let her daughter cry until she had no more tears.
Ashamed of the way she was behaving Scully couldn't look at her mother;
instead she kept her face buried in her mother's chest.

'Dana do you want to talk about it.  Has something happened to Fox?'

'No.' Margaret barely heard her.

'Did you two have a fight?'  Dana kept quiet for a long time then shook her
head.

'Did Fox do something to upset you?'

'Mom, I don't want to talk about it, please don't ask me.'  Pushing her
daughter away a little Margaret looked into Dana's eyes.

'If you do want to talk about it you know I have a good ear.'  She said
giving her a gentle smile.  Dana gave a shaky smile back.

'Are you hungry dear?'

'No-no I think I'll go to bed, if that's ok?'

'You know where the guest room is, you go and have a good sleep, we'll talk
tomorrow.'  Giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek she stood up.

Dana still feeling very vulnerable took a shower then crawled into bed,
leaving the bedside lamp on before being able to sleep.  

On seeing the light on, Margaret gently knocked on the door receiving no
response she opened it to see if Dana had fallen asleep and forgotten to
turn off the light.  Instead of seeing her daughter sleeping peacefully she
saw Dana tossing violently on the bed, her arms fighting off an invisible
attacker, as she approached the bed she could here the soft pleas coming out
of her.

'No please don't do this, no don't.'  Worried that she would hurt herself
Margaret gently shook her daughter's shoulder.

'Dana, wake up.'  After several attempts Dana finally woke up still caught
up in her nightmare.

'No get away from me, don't touch me.'  She screamed.

'Dana it's mother you're having a nightmare.'  Slowly Dana calmed down her
eyes finally coming back to the present.

'Mom?'  Margaret's heart broke on hearing her strong daughter sounding so
scared and insecure.

'Yes dear its me, come here.'  Opening her arms she encouraged her daughter
to come to her.  Dana only hesitated for an instant then threw herself into
her mother's outstretched arms and fresh tears began to flow.

Margaret stayed with her daughter until she fell asleep, but just before
sleep claimed her Dana asked her mother not to turn the light off.  When she
was convinced Dana was in deep sleep she settled her on the pillow and
covered her before leaving.  She left the door slightly ajar in case Dana
woke again.

In her room she sat on her bed thinking, then making up her mind she
searched and found Fox's number and called him.

'Mulder.'  Came the sleepy voice.

'Fox, this is Margaret Scully, I'm sorry to call you so late but..'

'Is Scully ok?'  There was panic in his voice as he interrupted her.

'She came to stay with me tonight.  Fox, has something happened to Dana
recently?' 

'What do you mean?'

'Has someone hurt my baby?'

'Hurt her how, what's this all about.  Is Scully hurt?'

'I'm not sure Fox, when she came tonight it was obvious she had been crying,
and that's all she has done since she came.  Then just awhile ago I was
going to bed when I saw her light was on and went to check on her?' She
couldn't go on and had to stop to control herself.

'What happened?'  Came his urgent voice.

'She was having a nightmare, she kept screaming for someone to stop, stop
hurting her, then when I tried to wake her she woke up screaming, scared and
crying out and begging me not to touch her.'  Margaret was crying now and
she couldn't stop herself.

'I'm coming over.'  Mulder said.

'It's late, she's asleep now, there is nothing you can do tonight.'

'I would feel better if I came.'

'Well drive carefully.'

It only seemed like minutes had passed when Margaret heard the soft knocking
on the door.  Opening the door she saw Fox looking like he had thrown on
whatever was handy and had rushed over, his hair was all messed up, his
t-shirt was half hanging out his jeans, his shoe laces were untied and he
looked like he had been crying too.

'Thank you for coming Fox.  I'm sorry to have dragged you out of your bed.'

'I'm glad you called, how is she?'

'She's been sleeping peacefully for a couple of hou?' The screams startled
both of them.  Within seconds they were both rushing to Dana.

Mulder reached her first, pushing open the door he approached her, when Dana
opened her eyes and saw Mulder coming towards her, her screams got more
desperate.  

'No don't touch me, get away from me.'  Her words halted Mulder in his
tracks.  He searched her face to see if she was still dreaming but her eyes
were looking straight at him.

'Honey it's ok, you're just having another nightmare.'  Margaret said as she
sat next to her daughter and cradled her in her arms.

'Mom, I'm sorry.'  Scully cried.  Margaret silently looked up at Fox and
seeing the pain in his eyes she gestured for him to leave.  Reluctantly
Mulder did as he was asked; sinking to the ground outside her door he hugged
his knees and cried silently.

By the time Margaret left Dana she felt exhausted.  She nearly tripped over
Fox as she got out of the room.

'Fox, what are you doing on the ground.  Come and get some sleep.'

'Is she all right?'  He asked looking up at her.

'I don't know Fox, she won't tell me what happened.  But getting sick
yourself isn't going to help you or her, so come on.'  Reluctantly Mulder go
to his feet and followed her.  Giving him William's tracksuit she left him.

In the morning Scully woke up feeling like she had gone through ten rounds
with Mike Tyson.  Turning off the lamp she got out of bed and made her way
to the bathroom.  As she reached to open the door she was shocked when the
door opened and Mulder came out, naked but for the towel around his waist.
She froze, her mind throwing a thousand questions at her.  

'M-Mulder what are you doing here?'

'How are you feeling Scully?'

'I-I'm fine, but?'

'Margaret called me last night.'

'Oh, why?'

'She was worried about you, Scully do you want to talk about it?'

'There is nothing to talk about.'  She snapped at him, then moving around
him she entered the bathroom and locked the door.

When they got to the kitchen Margaret had already prepared them breakfast
and coffee.

'I hope you're hungry?'

'Just coffee thanks.' They both said simultaneously.  Then looking at each
other they sat down.

Sitting around the table they sipped their coffee in silence.  Margaret
watched them both, she noticed that Fox kept looking at Dana but Dana kept
avoiding his gaze.  It was almost as if she was scared to look at him.

'Scully please talk to me, did someone hurt you?'  Mulder finally spoke.
Scully could feel both their eyes on her and she refused to look at either
of them.  She felt betrayed by her mother for having called Mulder over.
All she wanted to do was find a corner and hide.

'I don't know what you're talking about Mulder?'  She challenged him to
contradict her and was relieved to see his shoulders drop.

'Dana, something is wrong if you don't want to talk to Fox then talk to me.'
Her mother said.  Dana looking flustered turned her gaze to her mother.

'Mom, I'm ok..I.'

'Dana you are not ok, the nightmares you were having last night are proof of
that.'

'Look I came here to relax not to be given the third degree.  I was wrong to
come here.'  She stood up and headed for the door.

'Dana don't, I - I will leave, you spend the weekend with your mother, I'll
see you on Monday.'  Mulder said as he stood up and gave Margaret a shaky=
 smile.

'Fox you don't have to go, I'm sure Dana doesn't want you to leave.'
Margaret said as she looked at her daughter's stubborn back.  But Dana
refused to acknowledge her mother's words; instead she waited to see if
Mulder would get the hint.  

It was obvious Scully didn't want him here, with his head hung he mumbled an
excuse and left the room, not long afterward they heard the front door shut.

'Dana what was that all about?'  Her mother demanded.

'Mom, please can we not talk about it?'  She pleaded, at first her mother
was going to insist but than seeing her daughter's face she decide against=
 it.

The rest of the weekend passed quietly, both Dana and her mom talked about
unimportant things.  Every time Margaret tried to bring up Dana's continuing
nightmares Dana withdrew from her.  By the time Sunday came along they both
needed to be away from each other.  Dana afraid that if she stayed around
her mother any longer she would say or do something that would let the cat
out of the bag, and Margaret frustrated by not being able to get through to
her daughter.

'Bye mom, I'll call you soon.'  Dana said as she gave her mother a goodbye=
 hug.

'Dana, please when you're ready to talk call me.'  Margaret implored her
daughter.  With a shake of her head Dana practically ran to her car, hoping
her mother didn't see the tears in her eyes.

Monday morning they were summoned to Skinner's office; he told them that
they were booked on the 11:00 o'clock flight to Boston.  After handing them
their case files he told them to go home and pack.

They left Skinner's office without exchanging a word.  Mulder half didn't
expect Scully to show up at the airport.  Ever since Saturday morning she
hadn't said more than two words to him.  He was beginning to feel as if he
was the cause of her problems. Both Saturday and Sunday nights he couldn't
sleep, his mind kept replaying the look she had on her face when he had gone
into her bedroom.  Her eyes had accused him of things he hadn't done or
couldn't remember doing.  As he waited for her at the airport he began
questioning himself, had he done something to hurt her, if he had how could
he have forgotten.  He tried to retrace his steps starting from Thursday
evening.  He suddenly realised that between Thursday afternoon and Friday
morning when he had woken up at Scully's apartment he couldn't remember
where or what he had been doing.

'I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up?'  He said as Scully
rushed to the gate.

'Sorry, my cab arrived late.'

Sitting in the plane Mulder took the window seat as usual and rested his
head against the chair.  Scully, who normally would have been going over the
case files, was also resting her head against the back of the chair, deep in
thought.  Mulder felt a tightening in his chest as he realised that she
wasn't going to use his shoulder as a pillow as she normally did.  Closing
his eyes he tried to remember the events of last Thursday night.

End part one


From: <tchilsil@dynamite.com.au>
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 21:28:56 +1000
Subject: Part two of Dark Moments

Part Two

He was driving home, but violent and ugly images kept flashing in front of
his eyes after a couple of near misses he pulled over and rested his head on
the steering wheel.  Someone was screaming, pleading with him to stop, he
could feel his own arousal as he kept thrusting harder and harder he was
nearly there one more thrust.  The intercom announcing that they had started
their decent brought Mulder out of his nightmare.  With a start he woke up
and for a moment he wasn't sure where he was, looking over at Scully he
realised that she had been watching him.  But instead of asking him the
question burning on her lips she turned her gaze away.

They drove in silence, Scully kept herself busy as she leafed through the
case papers and when she finished she stared out of the window.  Every so
often Mulder looked at her to see if he could pick up an expression that
might give away her feelings.  However, apart from a distracted frown that
crossed her face she remained expressionless. 

'While you were getting the car I rang Inspector Adam's and told him we will
be over as soon as we checked in at the motel.'  Mulder told her, waiting
for a response any response.

'Sure, fine.'  Was all she said.

At the motel they both approached the front desk, the hotel clerk gave
Scully an appreciative once over before Mulder's curt voice drew his=
 attention.

'We would like two rooms please.'

'Was that with or without connecting doors?'  He asked suggestively.

'With.'

'Without.'  They both responded together, on hearing her objections Mulder
looked down at her a frown marring his brow.

'Which is it to be?'  The guy leered at Mulder, his look challenging him.

'We'll have one with connecting doors.'  Mulder said firmly, not taking his
eyes of Scully who suddenly seemed fascinated with the floor.  The guy gave
Mulder an approving glance as he handed him the two keys.

Scully waited long enough to hear where the rooms were before she grabbed
one set of keys from Mulder's hand and stormed off.  Just catching the
clerk's remark to Mulder before exiting.  

'Having a little trouble with the little lady are you?'  Mulder growled at
him and without saying a word went after Scully.

He caught up with her as she was opening the door to her room.  

'Scully?'  Ignoring him she entered her room and closed the door in his
face.  Mulder was about the pound on her door when he stopped himself.
After staring at the door for a few seconds longer he shook his head and
went to unlock his door.

Scully was furious, that disgusting creep at the desk had revolted her, and
Mulder hadn't helped.  No sooner had she entered the room she had made a
beeline for the adjoining doors and made sure her side was locked.

Resting her back against the closed door she sank to the floor.  The tears
had started as soon as she had shut the door on Mulder's startled face.
They hadn't talked about what had happened on the weekend, she could see
Mulder was desperate to ask her what was wrong but she hadn't given him a
chance.  She had to get a grip on herself.  She couldn't go on this way.
Every night she relived the nightmare, Mulder's crazy eyes kept digging into
her as he slammed her against the wall and pulled her legs apart.  Her
strangled cries for him to stop echoing around the room.  She jumped when
Mulder tried to open the connecting door finding it locked slammed his fist
on it.

'Scully, open this door.'  Scully scrambled to her feet moving away from the
door, wiping her tears she took a couple of deep breaths and grabbing her
handbag she left the room.  

The knocking on his door stopped him from calling out to Scully again, going
over to his front door he pulled it open, words failing him on seeing Scully
standing there her eyes red from recent tears.

'Are you ready?'  She asked.

'Are?' He stopped himself from asking for the 100th time that day if she=
 was
all right. 'Almost, come on in I won't be long.'  He left the door open and
disappeared into the bathroom.  Scully hesitated in front of the door then
decided against going in; instead she leaned against the open door and=
 waited.

When Mulder came out of the bathroom he was surprised to see the room empty,
pulling on his jacket he left the room.  He found Scully outside waiting by
the car, he only looked at her then opened the car door and held it open for
her.  After a slight hesitation she got in and buckled up.

Their day flew by at an alarming pace.  Neither Mulder nor Scully seemed to
have the time to contemplate the other's actions.  Although, on a number of
occasions Mulder was ready to explode as he watched Scully deliberately
place someone between them whenever she sensed Mulder was within reach.  It
suddenly occurred to him that she had done the same thing last Friday.  

Realisation dawning on him that he hadn't touched Scully since Friday
morning at her apartment.  Not until now had he realised how many times in a
normal working day he touched her.  He would either grab her arm, or his
shoulder would brush up against hers, or he would lean over her to look at
something she was working on, or place his hand on her lower back to lead
her out of a room.  Now he found himself completely devoid of touching her
and it was driving him insane.  He never realised how dependent he had
become on their physical contact.

It was almost 7:00pm by the time they headed back to the motel.  Scully had
been silent for most of the journey and looking at her Mulder could see the
dark circles under her eyes.  She looked exhausted.

'How about we grab some takeaway and go back to my room?'  Without looking
at him Scully said.

'I-I'm not hungry Mulder, I thought I might take a b? I just want to go to
bed.'  She finished.  Her hesitation in mid sentence brought a dark flush to
her face, and Mulder could have sworn he saw her eyes shining with unshed=
 tears.

'Scully you should eat something, you've hardly eaten since Friday.'

'How do you know what I have or haven't eaten since Friday.'  She accused,
when he didn't answer she realised that he had been talking to her mother.

'Have you been talking to my mother again?'  She was furious, when he
shrugged his shoulders and didn't answer her.

'I'm find Mulder, I don't need a baby sitter, and I would appreciate if you
kept my mother out of this.'  The tone in her voice told him she didn't want
to discuss it any more.  Mulder was tempted to ignore her but stopped
himself.  He decided that he would finish what he had started in the plane.
He was determined to get to the bottom of what had happened to him Thursday
night, and when he had all the facts he was going to confront Scully with=
 them.

Scully bade him good night and disappeared into her motel room.  Mulder
stared at the closed door for a while before shaking his head and going into
his own room.  He ordered a pizza and lay back on his bed.  

He began by taking himself back to the roof and started the events rolling.
He was back in his car driving away from the crime scene; his mind was in
turmoil, images of gargoyles and Patterson's deformed face kept leaping up
at him.  A couple of times he nearly ran into a pole and when he did it a
third time he pulled over to the side of the road and placed his head on the
steering wheel.  The only thing that had kept his sanity in place during the
whole investigation was the face of the beautiful red head that kept pushing
through into his consciousness.  Right now he was near breaking point and
the images were getting more violent and intrusive.  Stepping out of the car
he looked around, trying to focus on something anything other than the
demons running wild in his mind.  Then he realised he was only a block away
from the red heads apartment.

With a great effort he stumbled his way to her door, after knocking several
times, he tried the door, finding it locked he took out his keys and tried
them.  As luck would have it one of the keys actually opened the door.  Not
bothering to turn on the lights he navigated in the dark. Without a
conscious thought he found himself in her bedroom, finding a dark corner he
sank gratefully to the ground.  

He was just beginning to relax when he heard the front door open and she
walked in.  He followed her movements as she went into the bathroom and
turned on the bath; his eyes began to burn as he watched her take her
clothes off.  She looked like a goddess her body looked perfect, her fiery
hair appeared to be burning where the bathroom light touched it.  Grabbing
her bathrobe she stepped into the bathroom.  He lost sight of her when she
disappeared behind the door then picked her up again when she gently lowered
herself into the bath.  He suddenly realised that ever since he had caught
sight of her the demons had been kept at bay.  Just loosing sight of her for
an instant had them rushing back into his mind.  He had to do something
quickly otherwise he was going to fall into a bottomless pit where he would
be trapped by the demons for eternity.  

His desperation to survive forced him to his feet, his mind already telling
him where to go and what to do.  His hands seemed to have a life of their
own as he removed his own clothes.  By the time he entered the bathroom she
was almost asleep, the only thing visible was her head and shoulders.
Crouching next to her he held his breath, his hand reaching out to take
possession of her, he stoped just short of touching her, instead he began to
trace the exposed outline of her body.  Not having anticipated her to move,
his hand came in contact with her body.  He watched as her eyes flew open, a
look of panic then confusion clouding her clear blue eyes.  By this stage
the demons were pounding to be let loose, his only salvation seemed to be
this beautiful soul watching him in horror.  Her mouth was moving but he
couldn't hear what she was saying.  Then of its own violation his mouth
claimed hers in a savage kiss.  Ignoring her struggles he held her tightly
against his chest, the more she struggled the tighter his grip became.  The
closer the demons came the more desperate he became to possess her, finally
grabbing her by her arms he pulled her out of the bath tub and held her
against the wall his hands seeking and finding her legs as he pulled them=
 apart.

'Nooooo.'  The agonising sound was torn from his lips as he sat up in bed,
he was covered in sweat his body trembling with the force of his memories.
 
'Oh god, what have I done.'  Mulder was covered in sweat and tears.  He
couldn't believe what he had done to her. 

Now that the floodgates were open he remembered the pain and the humiliation
he had force her to endure.  She had begged and pleaded with him to stop.
He had bruised her small body as he had slammed her against the wall.  He
cried out in pain as he remembered the look in her eyes, on realising what
he was about to do as he had pulled her legs apart.  He had bitten and
sucked on her lips, her breasts and any part of her body he could reach, he
had pinned her arms above her head so she couldn't struggle or defend
herself.  He had forced her to be a victim and showed no mercy.  Then when
he had finished with her she had sunk to the ground crying he remembered
seeing the hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she had caught his eyes before
he had left her.  At the time nothing had registered, but now it was
shattering his heart.  

He had to see her.  Everything made sense now, her withdrawal from him, the
way she always moved away from him when he came near her, or the fact that
she didn't want to be alone with him.  Why had she kept it to herself, why
hadn't she accused him of rape?? Oh god that is exactly what he had done,=
 he
had raped her.  Now he realised the look in her eyes the other day was meant
for him.  She had been terrified, probably thinking that he had come to hurt
her again.  When the knock sounded at his door he jumped out of bed and
flung the door open, half hoping it was Scully.  He was disappointed to see
the pizza delivery boy, hastily paying the boy he threw the pizza on the bed
and ran down to reception.

'Excuse me, I was wondering if you had a spare key to room 23?'  Mulder
asked the sleazy receptionist.

'Ain't that the red headed babes room?'

'Yes, what's it to you?'  Mulder frowned at him.

'It's just that we ain't suppose to give out the keys to anyone but the room
owner.'
Mulder contemplated how to best handle this creep, then decided to play
along with the man's fantasies.

'Well you see we just had a fight and Dana is a little annoyed with me, I
thought I could surprise her.'  Looking at Mulder the creep gave him a
knowing smile and pulled out the key as Mulder reached for it he pulled it
back long enough to sneer.

'Half your luck.'  Then handed the key to a frowning Mulder.

Standing in front of her door he only hesitated for a moment, then taking a
deep breath he let himself in just as Scully came out of the bathroom
wearing only a towel.  On seeing Mulder she froze a silent scream escaping
her trembling lips.

'Scully, please just hear me out.'  He didn't attempt to move from where he
was standing holding out his hands he tried to calm her down.  When she
didn't say anything he continued.

'I don't know what to say to you Scully.  Sorry doesn't seem to be enough.'
Wrapping her arms defensively around her body she stared at him.

'Ever since last Friday I have been trying to piece together what had
happened, and I finally remembered what I did to you.  I, oh god Scully I'm
so sorry, I would do anything to take it back.'  

'What can I say or do that would make you realise that I would never do
anything to intentionally hurt you?'  When she finally spoke her voice was
soft and shaky Mulder had to strain his ears to hear her.

'But you did hurt me Mulder.'  When he took a couple of steps towards her
she backed away hastily hitting the wall.  The instant panic that rose in
her face tore at Mulder's heart.

'Don't come near me.'  She screamed.

'Scully please, let me help you?'

'How-how can you help me Mulder, you are the cause of my problem.'

'I?  at least talk to me, show me how I can make it better between us.'

'You can't.'

'I refuse to accept that Scully, there has to be a way.'  The force of his
emotions scared her.  She wanted to believe him, to trust him again, but the
memories of that night refused to go away.

'Please Mulder just leave.'  Taking another step towards her trembling body
he spat out a refusal.

'No Scully I won't leave, you are the single most important person in my
life, and I won't give up on us.'

'No, please don't come near me.'  She screamed at him, sinking down to the
ground she wound her arms around her knees and began to cry.  Mulder didn't
know what to do; leaving was not an option.  He wasn't willing to let her
go, so the only option he had left was try to reach her.  

He knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her shaking body, feeling
his arms around her she jumped and began to struggle in his arms.  During
her struggles her towel dislodged and fell to the ground.  Mulder held onto
her refusing to let go she struggled until she had no strength left.  When
she lay exhausted in his arms he picking her up off the ground and he
carried her to the bed and laid her down.  He was shocked to see the bruises
he had inflicted on her soft body, covering her with the quilt he lay down
next to her and cradled her still trembling body in his arms.

When she finally fell into a restless sleep he watched her, and suffered
along with her nightmares.  He wanted so much to kiss her and caress her but
knew that it would be a long time, if ever, before she would ever let him
get that close to her again. It was nearly morning before he too fell=
 asleep.

Scully woke first it took her several minutes to relive the events of the
previous night.  When she realised she was still in Mulder's tight grip she
struggled, but even in his sleep he refused to let her go.  Forcing herself
to take several deep breaths she tried to calm herself.

Slowly she allowed herself to feel the contact between their bodies, looking
at him she saw that he had slept on top of the bed, using the quilt as a
barrier between their bodies.  She realised that he must have frozen in his
suit.  During the night he had turned onto his side and was facing her, his
even breathing was gently fanning her face.  Turning towards him she
positioned herself so that she was facing him and noticed the tears that had
dried on his face.  She struggled until she finally managed to take her arm
out of the quilt and carefully moved the stray hair out of his eyes.  

She had never admitted the truth to herself, but right now cocooned in his
arms she realised just how much she loved him.  When he had cried out to her
last night about not giving up on them.  Something other than fear had
touched her heart, she wanted so much to pretend that night had never
happened, but she couldn't.  In a way she was relieved that he had finally
remembered.  However, it now meant that they had to face the consequences of
his actions.

When Mulder opened his eyes and felt her hand resting against his chest he
raised his own to cover hers.  Feeling her touch against his body he
couldn't suppress the tears that sprang to his eyes, the last few days had
felt like an eternity to him, being deprived of physical contact with her
had hurt him more than he was willing to admit.  Looking at the beautiful
woman in his arms he saw that she too was awake and watching him.

'Good morning Scully.'  She didn't speak but her lips curved into a hesitant
smile not quiet reaching her eyes.

'Did you sleep ok?'  She still didn't say anything instead she just shrugged
her shoulders.

'Scully, I really meant what I said last night, I won't give up on us, you
mean too much to me Scully and I can't, I won't live in a world that doesn't
include you in my life.'  His tears were now rolling down his face but he
didn't try to hide it from her.  When she pulled her hand away from under
his she saw the pained looked that crossed his face.  But when she gently
wiped the tears from his face he looked uncertain and stared at her with
questioning eyes.

'Scully?'

'Shush don't say anything.'  She said gently.  As her hand became more
adventurous she struggled to remove her other hand.  Realising what she was
doing Mulder loosened his hold on her and panicked when she shifted upwards,
fearing that she was going to leave him.  His fears subsided when instead of
leaving him she reached up and gently kissed his tears away.  When he tried
to return her kisses, she cringed moving away from him.  At her reaction he
instantly froze, a sad look replacing the hope that had been there only
moments before.  Scully having lost her courage moved away from him and
closed her eyes.

'I'm sorry Mulder, I- I can't?.' 

'It's all right Scully, I won't rush you, but please don't shut me out
again.'  She couldn't bring herself to speak instead she nodded.  

When the phone rang she used it as an excuse to move away from him.
Reluctantly Mulder let her go, sitting up she realised that she was still
naked, a soft blush rose in her face as she reached for her house coat and
pulled it tightly around her.

'Hello, Scully.'  She said.   Mulder could hear the soft tremor in her=
 voice.

'Agent Scully, this is Inspector Adam's I was trying to reach Agent Mulder.'

'Hold on.'  Reaching behind her she held out the phone to Mulder, then
checking the time she realised it was only 6:30 in the morning.

'Hello Inspector Adams this is Mulder.'  Scully took a peak at Mulder to see
if he was watching her and was trapped by his gaze.

'We thought we would start early, no, yes, all right.'  Hanging up the phone
Mulder frowned then looked up to see Scully's questioning look.

'He was curious as to what I was doing in your room at this time of the
morning.'

'Oh, she said averting her gaze.  I'm going to take a shower.'  

As she headed towards the bathroom Mulder's voice stopped her.

'I thought you preferred to use the bath Scully.'  No sooner he had said it
he cursed himself, especially after seeing Scully freeze and her shoulders
tighten.

'Scully I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.'  When she didn't respond or move he
got off the bed and approached her.  He noted her body tensing in
anticipation to his approach.  Instead of turning her to face him he walked
around to look at her.  His heart breaking on seeing the tears on her face.

'Oh god Scully I hate myself for what I did to you.  Will you ever be able
to forgive me?'
 
'Mulder we have work to do.'  Skirting around him she disappeared into the
bathroom.

Mulder stared at the closed door for what seemed like ages before he went
into his room and got ready for the day.  

By the time they left Boston, Scully had relaxed enough around Mulder to
have dinner with him.  She still didn't let him touch her even though she
tried hard not to pull away from him she was unable to stop her reaction to
his closeness. 

A couple of weeks had passed in which Mulder had done all the hard work in
their relationship and Scully had let him.  She wasn't sure how long he
could keep this up or how long it would take her to forget what he had done.
She had forgiven him although she hadn't told him that, but no matter how
much she tried to tell herself he hadn't known what he had been doing she
couldn't get her mind to agree.  A couple of times she had almost gone to a
rape crisis centre but had changed her mind at the last minute.  

One morning she woke up from her restless sleep and bolted to the bathroom,
collapsing to the ground in front of the toilet she took a few moments to
gather her strength before getting up to clean herself.  She wondered if she
was coming down with something.  When it happened for the fifth morning in a
row she began to worry.  Reluctantly she called her doctor and made an
appointment.  Refusing to believe what her mind was telling her. 

'Sorry I'm late I had an appointment.'  She told Mulder on seeing his
questioning gaze.

'Everything ok?'  He asked, she heard the concern in his voice and she gave
him a rare smile.

'Yes everything is ok.  What have we got this morning?'  Walking over to his
desk she stopped in front of it.

'Well I got this report last night from DCPD, since last Friday there has
been five women found dead with the same MO.  It appears the killer attacks
his victims as they are walking to their car, forces them to drive to a
secluded spot then assaults them and kills them by suffocation.  Then cuts a
hole in their stomach and places one of their eye in the ho?' Before he
could finish what he was telling her he watched startled as she ran out of
the room, holding a hand over her mouth.  After a few seconds he followed
her and when she disappeared into the bathroom he only hesitate an instant
before following her in.  He was surprised to see her small frame kneeling
over the toilet bowl as she threw up her breakfast, rushing over to her he
knelt down next to her and placed one hand over her stomach while the other
held her forehead.  When she had finished she slumped against him trembling.

'Scully what's the matter are you feeling ill?'  He asked concerned, then
seeing she had no strength to stand up scooped her up in his arms, ignoring
her weak protests as he took her over to a sink and washed her face and made
her drink some water.  Then took her to their office and sat her down on her
chair.

'Scully?'

'I'll be all right Mulder don't fuss, I'm just coming down with something.'
She said avoiding his gaze.

'Have you been to the doctor?'  

'Yes this morning.'

'What did she say?'

'He said I was fine but ran some tests to be on the safe side.'

'Well, is everything ok?'

'I won't know until he calls me.  Stop fussing, I'll be fine.'

'You're going straight home to bed.'

'I'll be fine Mulder, we should go and talk to DC Police.'

'I can handle that, you go home and rest.'

'Mulder.'

'Scully.'  She was about to protest further when her phone interrupted her.
 

'Want me to get that.'

'No it's ok, I'm not an invalid.'  She scoffed at him.

'Hello, Scully.'  As she listened to the speaker her face turned scarlet
then white.

'Are you sure?'  She asked shakily.  

'Yes, I will, I - I'll talk to you later.'  Hanging up the phone she swayed
and would have fallen had Mulder not grabbed her.

'Scully what's the matter?'  She could hear the panic in his voice and
didn't know what to tell him.

'That - that was my doctor, he said I have pneumonia and if I don't get off
my feet I'll be off for a month.'  She lied.

'I'm taking you home right now.'  Mulder said, as he grabbed her coat and
bag.  Taking her firmly by the arm he practically half dragged, half carried
her out of the office.  

They drove in silence, Mulder worried about Scully, and Scully worried about
the life growing inside of her.  What was she going to do?  Silent tears
rolled down her face as she stared out of the window.  When they reached her
place she told Mulder not to get out as she grabbed her bag and nearly ran
to her apartment.

Reluctantly Mulder drove away, he had noticed that she was crying but didn't
know what to do.  It had been nearly a month now since that night and it
still hung over them like a sword.  He could see she was trying hard to push
it to the back of her mind but every so often when he came near her she
would jump then get angry with herself for reacting.  He had suggested that
they go and speak to someone together but she had refused.  On several
occasions he had nearly gone to Skinner to confess what he had done but
something had stopped him.  Then a week ago he had been standing in the
corridor not far from Skinner's office battling with himself when Scully had
found him.

'What are you doing here Mulder.'  She had asked.  When he hadn't said
anything she had frowned, and searched his eyes.  Then a light had turned on
as she had realised what he was contemplating doing and had physically
dragged him to their office and had sat him down.  Standing in front of him
she had given him an earful. 

'Mulder what happened was between you and me, it doesn't involve anyone=
 else.'  

'Scully you're still hurting, the only way I can stop your hurt is if I pay
for what I have done to you.'  He had nearly cried.

'How is it going to help either of us if you're rotting in jail.  Just give
me time Mulder, I'm trying.'  

'I know you are Scully but I feel helpless, I want to take your pain away.
At least tell your mother.'  He had pleaded.

'No, mom thinks the world of you, I wouldn't do that to her.  Just give me
time, please.'  Was all she had said.  Reluctantly Mulder had agreed to her
request. 

After changing into sweats Scully curled up on the couch and hugged the
pillow to her body.  When the doctor had told her she was going to have a
baby she had nearly fainted.  All she could think about was what she was
going to tell people.  Now sitting on her couch she allowed her hands to
explore her body trying to feel the life growing inside of her.  How many
nights had she dreamt of settling down and having a family, a loving husband
and cherub faced children with hazel eyes and brown hair, she finally got
her wish but it wasn't quiet the way she had dreamt it would be.

She rationalised that she could keep her secret for a few months yet, then
what?  She couldn't expect Mulder to give up his quest to marry her or raise
a family, and what of the Syndicate if they ever found out she had Mulder's
child it would give them one more weapon to use against him.  She must have
dozed off for when she woke up it was to the sound of the telephone.  The
room was dark and it was getting colder.

'Hello.'

'Scully, I just rang to see how you were and if you needed anything?'

'I'm feeling better Mulder, and no I don't need anything thank you.'

'You sure, because I can drop it off on my way home.'

'It isn't on your way home and thanks for the offer but I'll be fine.'

'Have you had dinner?'

'No, I just woke up.'

'How about I come over and cook you a chicken soup.'  He suggested
hopefully.  She was about to refuse as usual when something stopped her then
surprising herself more than Mulder she said.

'That would be lovely.'

'Are you..what?'

'Don't be too long.'  She said smiling when she realised that he was as
surprised, as she was that she had said yes.

'I'll be right over.'

'Don't forget the chicken.'  She said before hanging up.

By the time Mulder arrived she had mentally prepared herself to spend the
evening alone with him.  He too seemed shy and worried that he would
frighten her.  On seeing her welcoming smile he relaxed a little and set
about getting dinner ready.  When she asked if she could help he told her to
sit down and relax, that he had everything under control.  She was napping
when a gentle hand on her shoulder woke her up.  

'Scully dinner is ready.'

'Hmm..oh great I'm starving.'  She said rubbing her eyes and stretching.

After dinner he insisted on cleaning up and after he finished he brought her
a cup of tea and sat down on one of the chairs.  Thanking him she looked at
him curiously then patting the seat next to her she said.

'You can sit next to me Mulder I won't break.'

'I - I wasn't sure Scully.'  He came over and sat on the couch next to her
but kept his distance.

'This has been great Mulder, I could get used to this.'  She said smiling.

'It's so good to see you smile Scully, I missed it.'  There was such a sad
look in his eyes her heart broke.  Then carefully she leaned towards him and
gave him a soft kiss on the lips.  Mulder didn't move, she didn't think he
was breathing. 

'Thank you.'  Was all she said as she curled back to her corner of the
couch.  Mulder unsure what to do didn't want to press her.

'How about we surf the channels and see if there is a good movie on?'  She
could hear the joy in his voice as he tried hard to control his emotions.

'That sound great.'

Comfortably they sat next to each other and enjoyed the movie, when it had
finished Mulder stretched and looked over at Scully a soft smile curling his
lips on seeing that she was fast asleep.  Gently picking her up he took her
to the bedroom and laid her down on the bed.  Then hesitated before bending
down quickly and planting a kiss on her lips before leaving.

In the morning Scully woke up feeling wonderful, she realised that it was
the first real sleep she had had since that night.  Maybe things were going
to work out after all.  Looking at the time she nearly jumped out of bed
before remembering that she was suppose to be sick.  She decided she would
have a lazy day sitting around the house and made plans to visit her mother
the next day.  In the evening Mulder called to see how she was and asked if
she needed anything.  She was a little disappointed when he didn't offer to
come over and cook for her again.

The next morning she reached her mother's around ten o'clock.  Margaret
opened the door not knowing what to expect.  Last time she had seen Dana her
daughter had been a mess.  Since then they had talked several times on the
phone and not until recently had she felt that Dana was almost back to her
old self.

'Hello darling, how are you feeling?  Fox told me you were sick.'

'You've been talking to Mulder?'  Her mother actually blushed.

'I was worried about you, and Fox sees you everyday.'

'I'm a lot better now mom.' 

They spent the day shopping, talking and just doing things they enjoyed, not
once did her mother question her about what had happened a month ago, and
Dana appreciate it.  Some day she would tell her mother but not yet.  It was
almost six before she kissed her mother goodbye and drove home.  

When she reached home she was startled to see Mulder waiting for her.  Her
first instinct was to panic as fear gripped her heart.

'What - what are you doing here?'  She questioned him in a shaky voice.

'Scully I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you, I was worried about you.'
He said seeing her white face.  'I've been calling you all day and receiving
the answering machine and your cell phone has been off.'  

Still standing near the door Scully stared at him trying to work out whether
he intended to attack her.  Mulder didn't move from where he had stood up
and watched her wearily knowing what she was remembering and going through.

'I'll go.'  He said as he picked up his coat and walked towards the door.
Seeing him walking towards her Scully held out her hands in defence a soft
whimper escaping her lips.  

'No, don't come near me.'  There were tears in her eyes as she watched him
suspiciously.

'Scully I'm not going to hurt you, please believe me.'  He pleaded as he
stopped in front of her outstretched hands.

'I - I'm sorry Mulder, it's just that?' She couldn't go on.

'I know Scully, and I'm sorry too.'  He lifted his hand to touch her face
but when she jumped back he let his hand drop between them a sad look came
into his eyes.  'I'll call you tomorrow.'  She stood in front of the closed
door for ages, tears running down her face.  Finally gathering enough
strength she went into her bedroom and crawled into the bed and cried
herself to sleep.

The next morning she had her first appointment with her paediatrician.  The
check up went well and the baby was doing well.  The only concern her doctor
had was with his patient's health.  He hadn't missed her red eyes when she
had walked into his office.

'Tell me Dana, is the baby's father happy about the news.'  When she didn't
answer him he pressed her further.

'He does know he's going to be a father.  Doesn't he?'

'I - No, I haven't told him.'

'Why not.'  He demanded.

'It's complicated.'

'Is he already married.'  At his words Dana's head snapped up confusion in
her eyes.

'No, no he's not.'

'Than what's stopping you from telling him?'

'I - He, I?' She suddenly stood up and started to pace the room.  Dr Yates
watched her, seeing the struggle she was going through.

'Dana, are you afraid he might reject the baby and you.'  Dana stopped and
looked at him.

'No, I'm sure he won't do that, but I don't know what to tell him.'

'Just come out and say it.'

'The baby, it wasn't planned, we haven't..we don't'

'Are you telling me you don't have an ongoing relationship with the father.'

'I do but it's not the way you think.  We are work partners not not..'

'So this was an accident?'

'You can say that.'

'What do you intend doing about it?'

'I don't know.' She said softly.  Seeing the tears in her eyes Damien stood
up and approached her, placing an arm around her shoulders he said.

'As a father I know it would have torn my heart if I didn't know I had a
child.  You have to tell him Dana, he has a right to know.'  Still feeling
raw from last night she was about to tell him that Mulder didn't have any
rights at all since he had violated her but she stopped herself in time.
Could she expect Mulder to take on the responsibility of raising a child
when that child was conceived in such a violent manner?  It would be like
asking him to live with the guilt of what he had done for the rest of his=
 life.

'It happened without my consent.'  She finally said he had to strain his
ears to hear her and was startled by what she said.

'He rape you?'  He demanded to know.  When she turned away he grabbed her
shoulders and turned her to face him.  His actions caused Scully to shrink
away from him as she stared at him with frighted eyes.

'Have you reported him?'

'No, and I don't intend to.'  She said defiantly.

'Why the hell not?'  

'He wasn't himself at the time.'  She defended Mulder.

'Don't give me that, it's just a weak excuse.  Why are you protecting him?'

'Please, just let it go, I - I shouldn't have said anything.'  

'Dana you can't let this go, he has to be answerable for his actions.'

'He's hurting already, I'm not going to put him through any more pain.'

'You're hurting to, who is going to take away your pain?'

'He's trying, together we'll get through it.'  Damien shook his head unable
to understand the relationship she had with her partner.

'As my patient I cannot tell anyone about what you just told me, but I urge
you to talk to the authorities and see that he gets punished for what he
did.'  Returning to his desk he said.  'I want to see you in two weeks, in
the mean time if you need to talk to someone call me.'  She knew he was
disappointed with her and she couldn't do anything about it.  Thanking him
she left.

After a weeks break she was eager to go back to work.  When she walked into
the office it was empty but for the large bouquet of red roses sitting on
her desk.  With a faint smile playing on her lips she read the card.  It
simply said, "Missed you".  Putting the card in her bag she sat down and
turned on her laptop.  When Mulder walked in with two cups of coffee in his
hands and saw her, his face lit up with an enormous smile.

'Good morning Scully, how are you feeling?'

'I feel great Mulder, thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful.'  She
smiled shyly at him and lowered her eyes.

'I hope you're ready for work, cause we have a mountain full.'  Placing the
coffee in front of her he went to his desk and pulled out a few files.
Scully stared at the coffee with distaste, since she had became pregnant she
had turned off coffee, just the thought of it made her want to throw up.
Pushing the cup away from her she went to join him.

If Mulder noticed that she didn't drink the coffee he didn't say anything.
The rest of the day passed quickly with Scully trying to catch up with all
the work.  By the end of the day she was exhausted and all she wanted to do
was go home and flake.  Together they walked to the parking lot to pick up
their car.  Mulder made sure Scully was safely in her car before going over
to his own.

The weeks rolled into months as slowly Scully began to rebuild her trust in
Mulder, although there were times she still pulled away from him, most of
the time she accepted his nearness.  Her only problem now was her growing
waist line, she first realised she was beginning to grow when her skirts got
so tight around her that she had to start using safety pins to keep them in
place.  After going shopping and picking up some larger clothes she was able
to go on for another few weeks without worrying about it.  She refused to
buy maternity wear since that would be like advertising that she was
pregnant.  She purposely didn't visit her mother, instead she called her
regularly so that she wouldn't suspect anything, she knew she could fool
everyone but her mother about her condition.

She was well into her sixth month when while on a stake out she began to get
cramps.  Not wanting to worry Mulder she told him she needed to stretch her
legs, walking around the corner and away from his view she clutched her
stomach almost doubled up in pain.  For weeks now she could see Mulder
wondering what was wrong.  He wasn't the only one who had noticed how much
weight she had put on, I suppose she was lucky that she had put on weight on
her face as well, at least people would think that she was getting fatter.
After what seemed an eternity she was able to straighten up and went back to
the car.

'Are you alright?'  Mulder asked.

'Yes fine, I just needed some air.'

When Mulder woke her up hours later and said that she was home she was
confused opening her eyes she looked around her.

'Oh Mulder I'm sorry, did I fall asleep again?'  

'Don't worry Scully you didn't miss a thing.'  Giving her a warm smile and
wishing her a good night he drove off.

The next morning she had an appointment with Dr Yates and had taken the
morning off.  After she left his office she decided on calling on Skinner
and asking him if she could take some time off.

'Good afternoon sir, thank you for seeing me on such short notice.'

'That's alright Agent Scully what can I do for you?'

'I - I was wondering if I can take some time off?'

'How long were you thinking of?'

'About four months.'

'Four months?'  He nearly jumped off his chair.

'Yes sir, I believe I have enough leave to cover me.'

'Have you discussed this with Agent Mulder?'

'No not yet.'

'I suggest you talk to him first then give me a status report on your
current workload.  Then I'll let you know my decision.'  Knowing how Mulder
was bound to react and the amount of workload they had she knew she wouldn't
stand a chance in hell of getting four months off.  She knew that in her
present condition she was more a hindrance to Mulder than a back up.

'I'm sorry sir, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you can't give
me this time off then I'll have no choice but to resign.'  She said bravely
watching his reaction.  He nearly chocked on his coffee, before saying
anything he placed it back on the desk and really looked at her.  He noticed
that she had put on a little weight and she looked pale with bags under her
eyes.  He realised that she really did look like she needed some time off.

'Is everything alright Agent Scully?'  He asked carefully.

'Yes sir, I just need some time to myself.'

'Alright than, you have your four months, but I expect you to inform Agent
Mulder of your decision.'

'Yes sir, thank you.'

'When are you going?'

'I was hoping I could go today.'  She asked.  He was about to protest when
he saw the determination in her eyes.

'Make sure you get everything in order before you leave.'

'Thank you sir.'

That was the easy bit now she had to face Mulder, she didn't know what to
say to him.  He would demand an explanation, she was sure he would accuse
her of giving up on them, and would blame himself for her leaving him.

When she entered the basement office he was busy typing something and gave
her a brief look and greeting.  However, when she didn't sit down at her
desk and walked up to his he stopped and looked up at her.

'Something wrong Scully?'

'No..um..Yes.'  She said, seeing the confusion in his eyes she explained.

'I just came from seeing Skinner.'  The confusion turned to concern at her
words.

'And?'

'I've asked for some leave Mulder.'  Frowning he searched her face.

'How long?'  She knew he was dreading her answer.

'About four months.'  She whispered.

'Four months?'  He jumped to his feet and came towards her.  Backing up she
gazed at his furious face.

'I - I need this time off Mulder, please don't make it harder for me.'

'But Scully four months, that's almost half a year?  What are you going to=
 do?'

'I thought I might visit some friends in Canada.'

'Canada?  For how long?'

'Probably for the full four months.'

'Scully is this your way of telling me you can't forgive me for what I did
to you?  Are you going to call at the end of the four months and tell me
that you decided to stay in Canada?'  The hurt in his voice was obvious, she
had known he would blame himself and didn't know what to say to him to take
away his pain.

'Mulder I promise you that I will be back, I just need to get away for a=
 while.'

'You mean you need to get away from me.'  He accused.  Approaching him she
gently stroked his cheek.

'No Mulder that's not what I mean at all.'  Then standing on tiptoe she
kissed him softly on the lips, when his hands came up to hold her she broke
away and placed some distance between them.  'Mulder I forgave you a long
time ago, it's just that I need to get my life back into some sort of order
and I can't do it here, please understand.'

She tried to ignore the hurt she saw in his eyes as she had moved away from
him, it wasn't because she was afraid of him but more afraid of the fact
that he would feel her growing form.  The baby was kicking now and she knew
she wouldn't be able to explain it if it kicked while Mulder was holding=
 her.

Mulder looked defeated she could see tears shining in his eyes but he was
holding on to them.

'When do you leave?'  He asked.

'Now, today, I'm all packed.'  

'So you've been planning this for a while?'

'Sort of, Mulder I promise I'll call you and let you know how I'm doing.'
With that she gave him another quick kiss before rushing out of the office.
She hoped he hadn't seen the tears in her eyes.  Lying to him had been the
hardest thing she ever had to do in her life.  But if she had told him she
had no intention of going anywhere he would have come and visited her.
There wouldn't have been much she could have done to hide her size from him
than.

End of part two


From: <tchilsil@dynamite.com.au>
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 21:30:23 +1000
Subject: Last part of Dark Moments

Part Three

The next three months passed quickly, Scully could hardly walk these days,
her baby was eager to get out and her regular visits to the doctor and the
pre natal classes were getting harder to manage.  She had made some new
friends at the pre natal classes in particular Jane Price who with her
husband Tom came and picked her up for the classes.  On Jane's urging Tom
had taken to helping Dana with her exercises.  

A couple of times Jane had tried to ask Dana about the baby's father but on
seeing the pain in her friend's eyes she had given up.  Jane and Tom were
also expecting their first child so Dana and Jane spent a lot of time
talking and discussing motherhood and their plans for the future.  The one
thing that Dana couldn't plan was having more children.  She knew she was
lucky having this one.  They were both hoping that they would have their
babies around the same time that way they could share a room together at the
hospital.

After the last pre natal class Tom offered to take both ladies out to dinner
after a lot of protest from Dana he finally convinced her.  They had a
lovely time together although poor Tom got a few stares from the other
patrons at the restaurant he loved the attention.

'How many men could boost about taking to beautiful women to dinner.'  He
said in his own defence.

'Two very pregnant women?'  Dana chimed in.

'They're probably all jealous darling.'  Jane smiled at her husband with
such affection Dana nearly cried.  She missed Mulder so much even talking to
him practically every night didn't seem to be enough.

By the time they dropped Dana at home it was nearly midnight.  Tom insisted
on seeing Dana to her door, as usual, giving him a kiss on the cheek Dana
bade him good night.  He waited until she was inside with the door closed
before leaving.

Dana took off her coat and threw it on the couch then nearly jumped out of
her skin when a voice spoke to her.

'Scully don't be frightened, I didn't realise you were back.'  Dana looked
in the direction of the voice straining to see where Mulder was.  She was
glad she hadn't turned on the lights.

'What are you doing here Mulder?'

'I - I missed you, I needed to be somewhere that would remind me of you.'
He said softly.  Dana wiped the tears from her eyes as she moved away from
the voice.  When she caught a movement she asked quickly.

'What are you doing?'  Mulder stopped, she could feel his eyes on her.

'I was just going to turn on the lights.'

'No don't do that.'

'Scully I want to see you.'  She could hear him moving towards her.

'Mulder don't, please leave.'

'Scully it's been three months, I have to see you, I thought you missed me
too, the last conversation we had?'

'I have missed you Mulder but its late, I'll call you tomorrow.'

Then suddenly she was squinting as Mulder turned on the lamp.  He adjusted
faster to the light than she did as she heard his sudden intake of breath.

'Scully you're pregnant.' The accusation was thrown at her with such force
it nearly knocked her off her feet.

'Oh god.'  Was all she could say as she sank down on the couch.

'Scully why didn't you tell me?'  He was next to her in a flash, kneeling in
front of her he hesitantly raised a hand to her stomach.  The look on his
face amazed Scully he looked like a little boy who had been given the
greatest gift anyone could give him.
When he noticed she wasn't objecting he replaced his hand with his cheek.
'Scully why didn't you tell me?'  Was all he could say, they were both
crying now and neither attempted to break contact with each other.

Then after what seemed an age, Mulder reluctantly raised his head and looked
at her.  

'When is it due?'

'Any day now.'

'Is it ok, nothing is wrong with it?'

'It's perfectly healthy Mulder.  Do you want to know what it is?'  She asked
him.  Giving her a smile he said.

'It's a girl.'

'How - How did you know?'

'I just knew we would have a little girl.'  He said smugly.  Scully laughed
at his look and hugged him.

'Scully when were you going to tell me?'

'I'm not sure Mulder, I didn't know how to tell you.  I - I thought that?'

'You thought that if I found out it would remind me of what I had done to
you, right.'

'Yes.'

'Scully I live with the guilt of what I did to you all the time, and
probably will for the rest of my life.  But I wouldn't want to live if I
knew I had a daughter and I had no part in her life.'

'Mulder I - oh god.'  She cried.  Mulder nearly fell backwards when she
pushed at his shoulders.

'Scully what's the matter, are you alright?'  The fear she heard in his
voice interrupted her pain long enough to tell him that her water had=
 broken.

'Oh shit, what do I do Scully?'

'Don't panic, in my room I have a suitcase packed grab that then take me to
the hospital.'  She told him as calmly as she could.  'Oh and there is a
number near the phone can you call it and tell Tom that I'm in labour.'
Scully was to busy trying not to faint from the pain to notice the frown on
Mulder's face.  Quickly he picked up her bag then Tom's number and rushed
over to Scully.

'Can you walk?'

'I think so, yes.'  Slowly she stood up and together with Mulder's help they
made it into the car.  While Mulder drove, he called Tom's number.

'Yes this is Tom Price.'  Came the masculine voice.

'Hello my name is Fox Mulder I'm calling to let you know that Dana Scully is
in labour.'

'Oh god, tell her I'll meet her at the hospital.'  Mulder didn't miss the
concern in the other man's voice.  Looking over at Scully he wondered who
this Tom Price was.  But seeing her in so much pain he wasn't going to
question her about him.

'Mulder can you call the hospital and get them to notify Dr Yates.'  She
struggled to say between spasms of pain.

By the time they reached the hospital Scully was ready to give birth, as
soon as he pulled in the gurney was waiting to take Scully away.  As she was
being wheeled away Mulder was left standing, his face covered in tears as he
watched Scully disappear.  One of the nurses took pity on him and came over.

'Are you the father?'

'Yes.'  He said weakly.

'Are you going to watch the birth?'

'Can I?'  Smiling up at him she guided him into to a room and helped him put
on a gown and a mask before leading him into the operating room.

Mulder nearly passed out on seeing all the blood, hastily he manoeuvred
himself around the doctors and nurses and grabbed Scully's hand.  She gave
him a pained smile as she clutched his hand tightly then another contraction
hit her and she nearly broke his fingers.

Everything seemed like a blur to Mulder one minute he was trying to stop
himself from crying as he watched Scully in so much pain the next minute
there was a beautiful baby being placed on her stomach as the nurses cut the
umbilical cord separating mother and daughter.  Scully looked down at her
daughter as tears rolled down her eyes then raised her eyes to look at
Mulder who was having difficulty seeing through his own tears.  He looked so
happy, and then suddenly he bent down and kissed her passionately then
raising his eyes high enough to see hers he whispered.

'I love you Scully.'  She looked at him with such love in her eyes it
surprised him, not until that moment had he believed that she would ever
forgive him.  But she had and he could see it in her eyes.

Before Mulder knew what was happening he was being ushered outside as he was
told that his wife had to be cleaned up and he could visit her when she was
taken to her room.  In the mean time why didn't he go and grab some coffee?

Dazed and feeling a little lost without Scully he stood there and looked
around him.  

'Excuse me are you Fox Mulder?'  Mulder swang around and saw a tall blond
man, well built with an intelligent face staring at him.

'Yes, who are you?'  The man gave him a huge smile and extended a hand.

'Hi, we talked on the phone, my name is Tom Price, how is Dana doing?'

'We - she just had a baby girl.'

'That's wonderful, is she alright?'

'Yes I think she's fine.'

'Are you the baby's father?'  Tom asked cautiously.  Frowning at him Mulder
wondered what this man had to do with Scully.  He seemed awfully anxious
about her.

'Who are you? How do you know Dana?'  He asked avoiding Tom's earlier=
 question.

'I helped her during pre natal classes.'  Mulder's heart tightened with
jealousy.

'Are - are you seeing Dana?'  Tom looked confused then a smile broke his
face as he explained.

'No, nothing like that, my wife is also expecting and we sort of took Dana
in, so to speak.'  Tom watched as Mulder changed from a jealous lover to a
relieved one and without Mulder confirming it he knew that this was the
baby's father.  He looked like the man Dana would love.

'I should thank you for looking after her, and yes I am the baby's father.'
Mulder said feeling so proud he wanted to pass out cigars.

'Has your wife had her baby yet?'

'No, I had to bully her to stay at home, she wanted to come with me but I
didn't think it was a good idea.'  Mulder nodded as they walked towards the
cafeteria.

By the time they returned to the waiting room they were well on the way of
becoming firm friends, which was unusual for Mulder since he didn't have
many friends.  Mulder found out that Tom was an attorney and his wife, until
recently, was a teacher at the local high school.  He told Tom as much about
himself as he could without scaring him off and knew Tom was curious to find
out why he hadn't been with Scully during her pregnancy.

'I only found out tonight that she was pregnant.'  Mulder said in answer to
Tom's unasked question.  Tom frowned and looked at Mulder.

'Why didn't she tell you?'  Tom could see that Mulder was uncomfortable with
the question but saw that he wanted to tell someone.

'Well it's a long and ugly story.'

'We have all the time in the world.'  Tom said gently sitting down on the
couch.  Mulder hesitated for only a moment before joining Tom.  Even though
he was worried how Tom would react he was relieved that he could finally
tell someone what he had done to Scully.

'She must love you an awful lot to forgive you for what you did.'  Tom said,
he felt anger towards Mulder but somehow knew it wasn't half as strong as
the anger Mulder felt towards himself.

'I suppose you think I should get out of her life?'  Mulder asked
reluctantly not looking at Tom, dreading the answer he was sure to hear.
Tom thought about it for a long time before answering.

'No I think she would be lost without you, its obvious she loves you very
much.  However, it is up to you to make it up to her.'  Mulder looked up
with such hope in his eyes that it almost made Tom cry.

'You think we have a chance?'

'I say you have a very good chance Fox.'  Smiling at him he asked.  'Is that
really your name?'

'Yeah, but I even made my parents call me Mulder.'  They were both laughing
when a nurse walked in.

'Is one of you Mr Price?'  Tom stood up and looked worried.

'I think we better get you prepared, your wife was just brought in, she's in
the OR right now.'  When Tom swayed Mulder jumped up and grabbed the other
man than with the nurse's help they had Tom ready and in with his wife.

After seeing Tom safely into the OR Mulder went in search of his daughter.
It wasn't hard to pick her out her flaming red hair made her stand out among
the other babies.  When a nurse began to wheel her out Mulder tapped on the
window questioning her actions.  She smiled at him and indicated for him to
follow her, he caught up with her just as she was entering one of the rooms.
Scully was sitting in bed waiting anxiously for her daughter, when she saw
Mulder a shy smile broke her face.  The nurse gently placed the baby in
Scully's lap.

'I think this little lady is hungry.'  Scully thanked her and waited until
she had gone before hugging her daughter tightly against her.  Then she
looked up at Mulder her face burning with embarrassment.

'Do you want me to leave.'  

'No please stay, it's just going to take me some time to get use to exposing
myself in front of others.'  

'Scully I was hoping I meant a little more to you than ?.'

'I'm sorry Mulder.  You do mean a lot to me, you know that don't you?'  She
asked suddenly.

'Yes I do Scully.'  Then it was his turn to blush as he watched Scully
guided their daughter to her breast.  He felt a pang of jealousy towards his
daughter when her small mouth eagerly covered her mother's nipple.  Scully
couldn't describe the incredible sensations she was feeling as her daughter
sucked gently.  She looked at Mulder and said.

'Thank you.'  When his face questioned her words she simply looked down at
their daughter.

'I forgot to tell you, Tom's wife is in labour right now.'

'Oh that's wonderful.' She cried out.  'Can you find out how she is going?'
Planting a quick kiss on her lips then on his daughter's head he left the=
 room.

'I'll be right back.'  He had almost left the room when he stopped and
turned to face her.  'Scully do you want me to call your mother, she has a
right to know.'  He saw the guilt on Scully's face and smiled at her.

'What am I going to tell her Mulder?'

'Don't worry Scully I'll talk to her.'  Before she could protest he had
disappeared.

An hour had passed before the door opened and Margaret Scully walked in, on
seeing her Scully blushed guiltily looking uncomfortable.  But as her mother
stared at her grand daughter, now sleeping peacefully in her cot, there were
tears of joy in her eyes.  

'Oh Dana she's beautiful.'

'Mom, I'm sorry I ?'

'Darling, Fox told me what happened.'  Unsure as to how much Mulder had told
her mother Dana tried to be careful with what she said.

'You - you mean?'

'Dana he told me everything, about the attack and your decision not to tell
anyone especially me so that I wouldn't be disappointed.'

'Oh mom, I'm so sorry I thought I was doing the right thing.  It's been so
hard.'  Hugging her daughter Margaret rocked her gently and planted little
kisses on her head.  'You - you don't hate Fox do you?'  Dana asked suddenly
worried.

'At first I hated him for hurting you so badly, but then I allowed myself to
see his pain, Dana he is hurting.  He'll never forgive himself for what he
did, but I think with your love and your daughters he might come to accept
it.  You do love him don't you Dana?'  

'I don't know how to describe the love I feel for him mom.'  As she said the
words she looked up to see him watching her his eyes filled with tears.

'I love you to Dana.'  He said from the doorway.  Smiling from ear to ear
Scully patted the space next to hers and indicated for him to come to her,
he didn't need a second bidding as he came over. 

'You'll be glad to know Jane gave birth to a health bouncing baby boy.  They
named him Jonathan Fox Price.'

'Fox?'  Dana asked surprised.  Mulder gave her a sheepish grin.

'While they were cleaning you up Tom and I had a long talk, when he
introduced me to Jane she loved the name so much that she decided to use it
as her son's middle name.'

'Well imagine that?'  Dana said laughing.  'By the way we haven't named our
daughter yet.'  Mulder looked confused then confessed.

'Until tonight I didn't think I would ever be a father.'  He said half to
himself.  Dana felt guilty but seeing the love in his face she realised he
hadn't meant anything by it.

'I hope you don't mind being one?'

'Scully you have made me the happiest man on this planet.  The only thing I
want right now is to put a ring on your finger to complete my happiness.'
It took Scully several minutes to understand what he meant then she looked
worried.

'Mulder you don't have to marry me because of our daughter.'

'Scully I want to marry you because it's what I want with all my heart.
Unless you don't want to marry me?'  He sounded so insecure.

'Oh Mulder you know I do.'  She said as she hugged him.

'That still doesn't provide my grand daughter with a name.'  Margaret chimed=
 in.

'What do you think of Rebecca Samantha?'  Scully suggested.

'Rebecca Samantha Mulder, it has a nice ring to it.'  Mulder said as he
repeated the name.

'Then Rebecca it is.  We can call her Becky for short.'  Scully said, happy
that her daughter now had a name.


The End