From: Red Tyger Date: Sun, 03 May 1998 16:46:08 -0700 Subject: "Think Twice" PT 1 SUBJECT: Think Twice Red Tyger FROM: redtyger37@hotmail.com DATE SENT: 5 May 98 ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ TITLE: Think Twice AUTHOR: Red Tyger E-MAIL: redtyger37@hotmail.com RATED: PG maybe R for language, violence, adult situations CATEGORY: TRA MSR SPOILERS: Through Fifth Season. Specifically Anasazi, Gethsemane, One Breath, Redux I & II KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Relationship, Angst SUMMARY: We've seen Mulder drugged and acting strange. This time Scully is the one who's been drugged. Her actions threaten to tear apart her relationship with Mulder and the X-Files. DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Walter Skinner, Margaret Scully and the Lone Gunmen are all the property of Chris Carter, FOX and all those others. No infringement is intended. No profit is being made. I just wanted to invite the gang into my world. I promise to let them go back when I'm done. Also due credit to the following artists; who's songs I've also used without permission. Celine Dion---Think Twice Gary Barlow---So Help Me Girl ARCHIVE: Anywhere; just let me know first. Please keep story unchanged; and my name and E-mail attached. SUMMARY: We've seen Mulder drugged and acting strange. This time Scully is the one who's been drugged. Her actions threaten to tear apart her relationship with Mulder and the X-Files. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes place sometime after Redux II. It spans several months, so keep an eye on the date headers. Two assumptions have been made. 1) That Mulder and Scully have admitted their feelings for each other. 2) That a bond of friendship has been established between Mrs. Scully, Scully, Mulder and Skinner. This is undeniably an MSR. Non 'Shippers you've been warned. Those who have a problem with thinking of Mulder & Scully together should possibly skip this one. However my own feeling is that they are meant to be together. I myself had someone in my life with whom I felt a connection like the one M & S share. The hardest thing in the world is to lose the one person you are connected to in that way. Especially when you don't get the chance to tell them what they mean to you. One day they're here. The next day they're gone. This is my first attempt at fan fic. I've only just stumbled onto the story archives. I would really appreciate feedback. However keep in mind that this is my first story and I'm a very sensitive soul. It took a lot of arm twisting to get me to post this. Send feedback to redtyger37@hotmail.com I would also like to warn any who might be disturbed by it; there is a suicide attempt contained herein. Special thanks to my X-Phile buddy and fellow 'shipper Cynthia. Who offered encouragement and suggestions when I needed them. She also helped me proof this. Now on with the story. THINK TWICE PT 1 (1/3) ############%%%%%%%%%############# Washington, D.C. Dana Scully's Car July 27, 1998 6:05 P. M. Don't think I can't feel that there's something wrong. You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long. I look in your eyes there's a distant light, and you and I know there'll be a storm tonight. This is getting serious. Are you thinking 'bout you or us Don't say what you're about to say Look back before you leave my life Be sure before you close that door. Before you roll those dice. Baby think twice. The song on the radio brought fresh tears to her eyes. His words still echoing in her ears. "Please don't do this to me Dana. Don't do this to us. Don't do what you're about to do. Whatever is wrong we can work it out together." The song repeating what he desperately tried to make her understand, that terrible night. *Think about what you're doing.* For the last three months, she hadn't given it a second thought. They depended on each other, she could see that so clearly now. Why didn't she see it then? She could see him so clearly, the imploring, desperate look in his eyes. After three months she could still recall the events with perfect clarity. She tried to block it out but it played over and over in her mind. **************************************** Six Months Earlier... Unknown Club Manhattan, NY January 12, 1998 3:00 P.M. The last light of the setting sun cast an eerie glow about the room. A smoke haze clung to the air in the private lounge of the exclusive men's club. A distinguished gentleman looked over at his portly companion, known only as 1st Elder and the younger man who came in with him. The 1st Elder spoke "I have brought someone who has a solution to our problem." "What problem is that?" the Well Manicured Man asked impatiently. "Our FBI problem" "The FBI is no longer a threat to us" The fat man's jowls reddened slightly. "Just because Mulder has backed off does not mean that he won't soon be causing us trouble again and we both know it. This young man has a very creative solution I suggest that we simply listen." Clive Faronson hesitated for only a second before explaining his plan. "I've read the file on Mulder and Scully I'm aware of your previous attempts to eliminate their potential threat to your work. We all know that direct attacks on either of their lives would be senseless. If you attack one you incur the wrath of the other. Eliminating both of them is also dangerous, because of the questions their deaths would raise." Well Manicured Man studied Faronson a moment, "You are not telling us anything we do not already know. How do you propose to deal with this situation?" "The direct approach is out, however I believe we can get them both out of your way without blood on your hands and without anyone suspecting that you had anything to with it." Faronson let his words hang over the men. Well Manicured Man leaned in "You have me intrigued but I will withhold my judgement until I've heard the rest. Please continue." The 1st Elder nodded as Faronson outlined his plan "It has now become apparent that Mulder and Scully have become romantically involved. Since we can't attack them directly, we will turn them against each other. Specifically by using the same drugs you used on Mulder when his Father was eliminated.This time we drug Scully in conjunction with post-hypnotic suggestion, I believe she can be turned against Mulder. After they are driven apart I am certain the partnership will be permanently destroyed along with Mulder's work. Without Scully I feel that Mulder himself will be effectively destroyed as well." The two older men looked at each other, as Faronson continued."My research indicates the possibility that Mulder may fall totally apart without Scully." "Do you think that he may become suicidal?" Well Manicured Man asked. "I feel that it is a good probability, we know he was very close to doing just that on at least two occasions. Both times the catalyst was Dana Scully. If she were to leave him on bad terms it might be enough to send him over the edge. "The Well Manicured Man pondered a moment before looking at the 1st Elder seated next to him. "Very well I will give you this one chance to clear up this matter. If it fails there will be no second chance. If Mulder or Scully find out and look for those responsible I will hand you over to them." **************************************** Dana Scully's Apartment January 21,1998 2:47 P.M. It had not been as difficult as Faronson had expected. With the consortium pulling the strings, they had gotten him inside the FBI planted in the lab where no one would take notice of a different face. With his chemical and medical background it was easy to slide right into the work. He had been able to help Agent Scully with some toxicological reports on a couple of cases she and Mulder were working on, he hoped he was earning her trust. He smiled as he picked the lock of Scully's apartment. FBI agents should have better hardware on their doors; he mused. Once inside he went into the bathroom, taking two tubes of Scully's lipsticks. He carefully examined them one by one, comparing them to the identical tubes he was replacing them with. Identical except in one respect, the ones he left behind were laced with the same drug they had put in Mulder's water some time back. Taking a last look around to make sure that everything was in it's exact place Faronson exited the apartment. **************************************** FBI Academy Quantico, VA February 5,1998 Dana Scully leaned against the cool tile wall in the ladies room. It had been a grueling day. She had been stuck at Quantico since early that morning. She was frustrated; she didn't understand why they insisted on pulling her off the case that she and Mulder were working on only to do these autopsies. There were plenty of other people who could have performed just as well as she had. At least they assigned Agent Clive Faronson come and help her out. Together they had finished most of the work; the few loose ends could be tied up the next day. She rubbed her temples; the nagging headache had hung on for a week now. Scully didn't want to say anything to Mulder about it, he had only just now begun to relax and not worry so much about her health. He was so protective of her when they had first started seeing each other. Scully didn't want him to worry over something as trivial as a headache. "I'll take some ibuprofen when I get home." she said to herself. Then she took out her make up bag and touched up her lipstick. **************************************** For once Fox Mulder left the office at a reasonable hour, anxious to see Dana. She had been called in to Quantico early that morning, to do some autopsies that were in no way connected with their work on the X-files. He had argued with Skinner on that one, but had only gotten the frustrating excuse that some idiot big wig had requested her. Mulder had no choice but to acquiesce. He couldn't help worrying about her; she seemed more tired than usual, although he didn't let on. She would only give him that look and the famous *I'm fine Mulder. * he thought. He stopped to pick up Chinese for dinner before heading to her apartment. Mulder walked into the darkened apartment to find Scully already in her pajamas, asleep on the couch. He smiled she, looked so beautiful when she slept, her glasses perched on the end of her nose. He sat down next to her and gently caressed her cheek, and brushed a lock of hair back from her face. Scully opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him there. "Hi baby, how ya feelin'?" he asked quietly. "I'm fine... um I'm just a little tired I guess." He gave her a crooked smile. "Just relax I've taken care of everything. I picked up dinner already so you can kick back while I take care of you tonight." "That sounds great Fox, what did you get?" "Pineapple Chicken, your favorite." Mulder got up and started setting the table, serving dinner for the both of them. He went back to the couch to see that she was beginning to doze off again. He touched her cheek. "Hey you really are tired. C'mon eat something; then I promise I'll let you rest." Scully groggily made her way to the table he had set. Mulder for his part studied her for a moment before sitting down himself. He opened his mouth to ask yet again if she was all right, but changed his mind, knowing what her answer would be. "So how was it at Quantico today? Were you bored without me?" The corners of his mouth curled up in a mischievous grin. Scully eyed him seriously; she knew he was trying to be funny, but between her headache and his protectiveness, she was starting to feel smothered. She couldn't stop herself from snapping at him. "Of course I wasn't bored! My day was just fine! Do you really think that you're the only thing of interest in my life! I can have a good day without you, you know!" Mulder sat there with his fork halfway to his mouth, looking like she had just hit him with a two-by four. "I...I'm sorry Dana I didn't mean..." he just trailed off, staring down at his plate. Scully regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, knowing that they'd hit him almost like a physical slap. She closed her eyes and took a breath, "Fox, I'm sorry that was uncalled for. I...I just don't feel like myself lately. I don't know what made me talk to you like that. I'm so sorry." Mulder got up from his chair and knelt down beside her, taking her hand in his. He looked up at her, worry etched in his face. With his other hand he brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. When she wouldn't meet his gaze he brought her chin down so she'd look him in the eyes. "It's ok really, I know you've been under a lot of stress lately. But can you please talk to me, tell me what's wrong." The worry was now apparent in his soft green eyes, eyes that spoke volumes without saying a word. "I've been having a little trouble sleeping, and I've got a headache." "Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked as he continued to gently rub her hand. "No Fox, really I'll be fine I'll take some ibuprofen after I eat and lie down." Mulder nodded and kissed her cheek before returning to his chair. Yet he continued look at her when he thought she wasn't looking, the shadows of concern still in his eyes. After dinner he gave her some ibuprofen and let her stretch out on the couch while he cleared the table. He sat down and took her feet in his lap and gently massaged them, hoping she would be able to relax. Scully dozed lightly while Mulder channel surfed, finally settling on the Twilight Zone. When he was sure she had fallen asleep he scooped her up, cradling her carefully in his arms and carried her to bed. She woke when he puled the comforter over her. "Fox," she said dreamily, "sorry, did I fall asleep?" she reached up ran a hand through his soft brown hair. He turned his face and kissed her palm before pulling her hand down to his chest. She felt his strong, steady heartbeat against her palm. He gave her half a smile, "I'll stay if you want me to," he said hopefully. "No, that's ok I'll be fine you go ahead and go home I think I need to be by myself tonight. I'll see you tomorrow." "Alright I'll let you rest but if you need me I'm just a phone call away." He took her into his arms and kissed her gently, caressing the side of her face. Then he rose to leave and looked back at her a moment. "You call me if you need me, ok." "I will I promise, goodnight Fox. I'll see you tomorrow." With that he left the room, switching off the lights and carefully locked her front door. ******************************* FBI Headquarters Washington, D.C. February 25,1998 5:22 P.M. For the third time in as many weeks Dana Scully was spending the entire day in the lab going over some inane case. A case that could've been completed by someone else. It was becoming more frequent so she no longer bothered to argue about the interruption to her work on the X-files. She almost welcomed the break from the strange and macabre world she and Mulder worked in. Besides Agent Faronson was more than a capable assistant and at least he didn't argue with her over every point of the case. He seemed eager to understand every aspect of what they were working on. She was beginning to enjoy working with someone who treated her as an absolute equal, no not equal almost like a superior. What was more; they talked as well, he practically hung on her every word. Listening to her talk about almost anything, her work, her ideas, even about Mulder. Without even once disagreeing with her about anything she said. ***************************** Hoover Bldg. March 27, 1998 Fox Mulder took his tenth lap across the pool, propelling his body through the water like a shark. He had come down here to work off some tension. He was feeling more and more frustrated. Dana kept getting called away to work on these stupid lab projects. Projects that, as far as he was concerned, were of absolutely no importance. Well maybe they were important to someone, but he just knew that somewhere in the vast manpower of the FBI that there was a Lab rat that could work on these cases and not have to pull his partner away from his side. But that wasn't the frustrating part, the thing that bothered him most was the fact that she didn't seem to mind in the least about being separated from him. It was like she welcomed the chance to get away from him these days. They had stopped spending their evenings together, and the evenings he did get to spend with her, she always sent him home earlier than usual. She was getting more and more short with him, more critical of him, as well as more impatient. Things between them had been getting worse over the last two months and he didn't know why. Two nights ago they were supposed to go to dinner but on his way over to her apartment there had been a wreck tying up traffic on the parkway, making him a half an hour late. When he did finally get to her apartment she was so mad at him that she refused to go out with him. That hurt him deeply, she didn't even give him a chance to explain. Granted if he had remembered to charge the battery in his cell phone he could have called and probably have avoided the whole thing. But the way she had slammed the door on him and called him an insensitive bastard had made his heart bleed. He went back to his dark apartment and drowned his sorrows in a bottle of scotch. It had been a long time since he needed to seek solace from a bottle. But that night he did with a vengeance and paid for it the next day with one hell of a hangover. Which didn't help one damn bit because seeing him hung over only made her madder. He had also started having nightmares again, waking up night after night in a cold sweat. Gone were the dreams about seeing Samantha taken from their home, and being powerless to save her. He no longer dreamed about the gruesome cases he had worked on, he didn't dream about Scully's abduction either. The nightmares that plagued him now were dreams of losing Dana; dreams about her getting angry with him and leaving him. He thought it was bad before but now it was much worse because now he couldn't call Dana anymore when he woke up in a cold sweat crying and shaking with fear. He longed to be able to talk to her like he used to but she was just closed off to him. His arms ached to hold her but she just backed away from him telling him that everything was fine and that she just needed space. He was getting desperate, he felt he was losing her and that thought tore at his heart."Maybe I'll talk to her mom." He said to himself as he got out of the pool and headed to the locker room **************************************** "Hi Fox, where's Dana isn't she with you?" Maggie Scully answered her door surprised to see Fox Mulder standing alone on her porch. "No Mrs. Scully, she's not with me she's... she's," his voice faltered. Maggie had come to look upon Mulder as one of her own; she could see in his eyes that something was very wrong. "Fox dear, what's the matter?" "I...I really need someone to talk to Mrs. Scully, can I come in?" He looked at her with such a look of anguish in his green eyes that she took him by the hand and led him to the couch. He just sank down heavily, and began to spill out the whole story, his body shivering occasionally. Maggie reached over and took his hand to comfort him; He was cloaked in desperation, looking so lost like a small boy. "I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing her," Mulder said as he finished his story. His head in his hands and his entire body now shaking, as he was fast losing control. Maggie Scully didn't speak at all as he explained her daughter's bizarre behavior. She could see that Fox was at the end of his rope. She hadn't seen him so upset since those dark days during Dana's abduction. He was almost as bad off as the night that they thought Dana would die, the night she knew Mulder would have killed himself to join her. "I just can't lose her, I..." He faltered then he just crumbled, all his control finally shattered. With a mother's heart, a heart that sought to comfort a hurting child Maggie put her arms around Fox as he cried, his body wracked by sobs. He cried as one whose heart was breaking into a million pieces. All Maggie could was hold him like a child and rock him back and forth, comforting him as best she could. When the sobs finally subsided he was physically and emotionally exhausted. Maggie led him by the hand to one of her spare rooms. He tried to refuse, saying he shouldn't have burdened her and that he should leave. But Maggie Scully was nothing if not determined, and she was dead set against Fox Mulder being alone. So she settled him into the room, insisting that he try and rest. She left the door open halfway and left the hall lamp on in case he had nightmares, which she knew he probably would. **************************************** Dana Scully was watching TV when the phone rang "Hello Dana, its Mom." "Oh hi Mom, sorry I haven't called..." Her mother cut her off. "Dana, Fox is here, and I think we need to talk." Maggie began to explain what had transpired for the last two hours there on her couch with Fox Mulder. "Dana, what is going on, Fox is beside himself, he cried for more than an hour. I haven't seen him this upset since your coma." Scully tried to calm her mother, "Mom, I'm sorry you had to get dragged into this. Mulder had no right to just drop this all on you." Scully was seething. "Dana he came to me because he had no one else to talk to. You've closed him out. I called to hear your side of the story, but from the way you're talking it sounds like the situation is as bad as he said it was, if not worse. Don't you realize what you're doing to him." Maggie Scully would've continued but her daughter cut her off. "Mom stop! Why are you taking his side! " Scully almost shouted into the phone. "Baby, I'm not taking his side I just don't want to see you make a mistake that you'll regret the rest of your life. He loves you; you know that. That's why he came to talk to me because he doesn't want to lose you." "I know he loves me Mom we just have some things to work out. I'll come over and pick him up and we'll work this out ourselves." "No, I don't think that's a good idea, I finally got him to go to sleep. He's too exhausted and he needs some rest, better to leave him where he is." Dana knew better than to try and change her mother's mind once she was set on something. "Ok tomorrow's Saturday I'll come over in the morning and talk to him. I really am sorry Mom. We'll work it out." Dana Scully closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she hung up the phone, in an effort to calm herself. What the hell had gotten into Mulder. One thing was for certain she'd go over first thing in the morning to get him out of there and away from her mom so she could let him have it in private. Yet there was a tiny voice that nagged her, where it came from she didn't know. But it echoed her mother's question. *Dana what are you doing this for? Why are you punishing him? What did he do? Don't you love him? * But Scully was too keyed up to listen, she squelched the voice with a mental stomp. However deep, deep down something in her heart cried for him, cried for them. **************************************** Fox Mulder slept fitfully at best, after waking for the third time he struggled to get up for some water. As he rose a wave of dizziness overcame him so that all he could do was sink down into the bed again. He rolled over on his side and pulled the pillow into his arms and clung to it desperately. He tried to clear his mind of everything that had gone so horribly wrong. He tried to remember a time when things between him and Dana were going good. he tried to remember a time when he felt no pain. Even as he struggled with his thoughts he knew there would be no sleep without the nightmares. ******************************************** The next morning Scully was in such a hurry to get to her mother's she didn't even bother to put on her make up. She just jumped into her car and drove over. When she got there she walked in the door and crossed the living room and stopped at the kitchen door when she heard her mother's voice. "Fox, please try and eat something you'll only make yourself sick if you keep on like this." "I know, Mrs. Scully, I'm sorry I'm just not hungry. I've tried I just can't eat." Mulder's voice sounded quiet and sorrowful. "How long has it been since you ate anything?" Maggie Scully asked. Mulder's answer was too low for Scully to hear. She opened the door and saw that Mulder was sitting with his back to the door. His shoulders were hunched over and his head was down not meeting Maggie Scully's concerned gaze. Since Mulder was looking down he didn't see Maggie look up with surprise at her daughter standing there in the doorway. Scully had cooled down considerably since her mother's phone call the previous evening. Seeing Mulder looking so pitiful and hearing the agony in his voice did a lot to make her more reasonable. She walked around the table and faced Mulder; still he did not look up. He only held his head in one hand and absently stirred his food with the other. Maggie Scully broke the silence. "Fox, Dana's here." Mulder finally lifted his head to look at Scully; his normally clear green eyes were clouded with a mixture of fear, anguish and exhaustion. She looked down at him, her remaining anger slowly fading away even as the tears trickled down both their faces. "I'm so sorry Fox." Dana said as she knelt in front of him and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He hesitantly held out his arms to her and she enfolded him in hers. He held her as they both cried quietly and spoke softly to one another. Maggie Scully for her part got up and left the kitchen, giving them some privacy. As she did so she breathed a sigh of relief. Whatever was wrong she was sure they could work it out. There in Dana's arms Mulder started to relax he felt more complete. He pressed her against him unwilling to let go he drew her up into his lap. Kissing her passionately. Hugging her tight, with one hand stroking her back and the other caressing her face and running his fingers through her soft auburn hair. The pain was lessening, he took a shuddering breath and brushed her hair back and kissed along her jaw and down to her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair. "Dana I've missed you so much," was all he could say.Finally, he thought the nightmare was over. **************************** Pt. 1 (2/3) Hoover Bldg. Assistant Director Skinner's Office April 23, 1998 9:00 A. M. Walter Skinner studied the file on his desk it wasn't an X-file, it was a VCS case. The kind of case Mulder excelled at. Some sociopath was carving up people in Chicago; this nut case was playing games with the feds. Leading them down blind alleys, leaving false clues, killing with no apparent pattern. If anyone could get inside this psycho's head it was Fox Mulder. For a man who was so young he had an uncanny ability to profile even the most unimaginable psychopath. His investigations had put away some of the most brutal monsters that Skinner had ever seen. Ordinarily he would have sent both Mulder and Scully to Chicago to work on this one but earlier this month in a move that shocked the hell out of him Dana Scully had actually requested to work in the lab. She said she needed a break from the X-files, she also asked that he not inform Mulder of her request. That rattled Skinner more than the request itself. As long as he'd known her, Scully never requested to work away from Mulder, in fact on the rare occasions they had been split up it was Scully who yelled the loudest. And she absolutely never asked him to keep information from Mulder. The whole situation worried him, Mulder could be a first class pain in the ass sometimes but since he had become involved with Dana Scully he had mellowed out, and she seemed to bring him some peace. Skinner genuinely liked the agents. That was why he overlooked the fact that they had gone against FBI protocol by getting romantically involved. These two were different they belonged together, after all they'd been through they deserved to be happy. He didn't know what was going on between them he only hoped they could work it out. **************************** Fox Mulder left Skinner's office with an uneasy feeling in his stomach he never liked working without his partner, but working without her had become the norm in the past couple of weeks. He suspected that there was more about this than Skinner was telling him, all he had told him was that it had been requested and that it was out of his hands, but who requested it he wouldn't say. So here he was leaving Skinner's office to work on a case that would take him out of town at the most inconvenient time. He was still trying to work things out with Dana. The situation had improved after that day at her mother's. All to quickly their relationship started to deteriorate again. It was getting progressively worse and he feared that this little trip wouldn't help things any. Mulder shook his head as he got off the elevator and walked down the corridor to their office. He wanted to focus as much as possible on the case so he could help solve it quickly and get back to Dana as soon as possible. He unlocked the door and reached for the phone even before he sat down at his desk. He was at least going to call her and let her know exactly what was going on so she wouldn't get upset later. It was so ironic before all this started he wouldn't have thought twice about leaving without letting Scully in on what he was doing; but now he wasn't taking any chances. He was going to do his best to hold their relationship together. He heard Scully's phone ring five times before he decided she wasn't in her new office, *temporary office* he corrected himself. Maybe she's in the lab, he thought. **************************** So far the project was proceeding right on schedule. The drugs Faronson had introduced into Scully's system were doing their job, as well as the small post-hypnotic suggestions he had implanted into her subconscious. He only needed one more sequence to push her over the brink. He didn't want to push too far; too fast and wreck the delicate balance of the situation; he could afford to be patient, to wait for the right catalyst. As he was he was weighing his different options, the phone in the lab rang. "Forensic Lab, Agent Faronson." "Agent Faronson, this is Agent Mulder. Can I speak with Agent Scully?" he said almost tersely. He couldn't help but feel jealous of this man who was now working with Dana, his Dana. Sharing things with her that he no longer could. For the hundredth time that day Mulder was aware of how very much he missed her. "I'm sorry Agent Mulder, Agent Scully isn't here right now." "Do you know when she'll be back?" "No sir. I don't even know where she went." "Well can you give her a message for me, it's very important." "Yes I'd be happy to." "Tell her I called, and that A.D. Skinner is sending me to work on a VCS case in Chicago. I have to leave right away but I'll try to be back by tomorrow. Tell her I'll try to call her tonight. Be sure to give her the message, it's very important." "I will Agent Mulder, I've got it written down on the board so she'll be sure to get it." "OK well thanks," Faronson smiled as he hung up the phone. This was way to easy; it was exactly what he needed to push Scully over the edge. Mulder would be gone for at least 24 hours so he wouldn't have to worry about him. All he had to do now was plant one more set of suggestions into Scully and sit back and watch their partnership fall apart, and hopefully Mulder with it. When she got back he'd be ready.Dana Scully walked back into the lab; she had left to get a cup of coffee and another ibuprofen. When she returned she saw that Clive had already set up the next batch of tests for them to complete. Yes, moving back to the lab was the best move she could have made. She had no liver-eating mutants chasing her, no invisible Moth Men dropping her down into holes in the ground, No overprotective partner arguing with her at every turn. Whatever had made her want to sacrifice her career to follow "Spooky Mulder" off on every bizarre case he could find, jeopardizing her life. Faronson reached into his pocket retrieving the tiny strobe light that he had been using to induce Scully into a hypnotic state. He gave off a quick succession of flashes. Scully looked up at him with a blank, far off expression. "He's gone again Dana, he's ditched you again. After he said he wouldn't. You can't trust him anymore, he's tearing you down. You have to leave him; he'll only destroy you and your career. It's really the best thing for both of you. If you stay together you'll only end up hurting each other worse, and he's already hurt you. The way he always has to smother you, the way he discounts your ideas, he treats you like an inferior. You can't go on like this, when he gets back you have to break it off, tell him how you feel, hurt him the way he's hurt you. Then once *Spooky Mulder* is history you can get on with your life." Faronson gave three more flashes to bring her back out. "Did you hear what I said Dana?" Scully blinked her eyes in surprise; she wasn't aware Clive was speaking to her. "I'm sorry Clive, I must have zoned out there for a minute. What did you say?" "I said that Agent Mulder called and left a message, something about him taking a case out of town." Faronson was pleased when he saw the flash of anger in her blue eyes. "Did he say anything else?" Scully asked barely containing her fiery temper. "No he didn't." This was good Mulder would be lucky to escape with his hide. "Did you want to run the tox screens while I do the cultures?" The last thing on Scully's mind was the lab work. How could he do this to her again after he swore he wouldn't? She felt like shooting him again, she couldn't take this anymore, something had to give. All she said out loud was; "Actually Clive I'm not feeling well, would you mind finishing up without me?" "Yeah sure Dana, you go on I can handle it." ************************* Ordinarily Fox Mulder would have enjoyed himself in Chicago; maybe stay an extra day take in a game. That's what he would have done if Dana had been with him, he wanted to show her around, take her to some shows, go to a few of the nicer restaurants. Without her with him all he had wanted to do was profile the murderer and get back to D. C. as quickly as possible. So he had worked straight through the night on the case and by the morning he believed he had an accurate picture of the killer. A man in his late thirties who needed to feel important and since life had taken no notice of him he began to act out his fantasies. Craving the power he had over his victims. The similarity the slayings had with what you regularly saw in movies and on TV suggested that the killer no longer cared that there was supposed to be a line between fantasy and reality. Catching the guy wasn't a piece of cake, but it wasn't the rollercoaster ride Mulder was used to being on. Once the paperwork was done he drove straight to the airport and grabbed the next flight back to D. C. High in the air all he could think about was Dana, the last few weeks had been hell. The more he thought about it was like the past few months, since mid January, it was now late April. It was almost as if she had been PMS'ing for three months. He would never in a million years say that to Dana; He feared she might just cut off a vital body part; one he'd kind of like to keep. Something was really wrong with her, though the doctor said she was fine, still no sign of the cancer returning. His heart ached for her, longing for her to be with him like she used to be. They didn't talk anymore; well he talked but it was like she didn't trust him anymore. He had to get her to open up to him, to find out what he did wrong so that whatever it was he could undo it.He was getting so desperate that he would do anything to get her back, if only she would talk to him. He looked at his watch he'd be in D. C. by 6:00. He thought he wouldn't even bother to go home. All he wanted to do was see Dana, to scoop her up into his arms and tell her he loved her, and that everything was going to be ok. He smiled as he hurried off the plane feeling better than he had in a while. He jogged through the terminal and out to his waiting car. He was so anxious to get to Dana's that for once he didn't gripe about the outrageous parking fee. He only smiled at the attendant as he handed her the money. The attendant was surprised she was getting used to grouchy customers in froth over the cost of parking. "That guy must be in love," she said to herself as he drove away. Mulder wormed his way through the late afternoon traffic he switched on the radio hoping for a good song. His favorite "fossil" station, as Dana put it, was playing commercials so he switched over to the light rock station she always listened to. He enjoyed kidding her sometimes saying that the music was a little sappy, but he never told her that he really liked the sappy stuff too, it made him think of her. Mulder drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as the music played. Every song that came on was so close to what he felt for Dana. He wanted to be the one to love and care for her. Somehow he was going to get through to her, he felt very positive about it. With sudden inspiration he got off the highway and drove up to a florist shop. Mulder was happy, he looked down at the gold foil box of white roses he had just bought for Dana. He probably paid way too much for them but he didn't care, she was worth it. He was happy as he got stuck in traffic. He was happy as he hit five red lights in a row. He was happy as he pulled up to Scully's building, and ran up the steps to her door. He was happy right up to the point where all hell broke lose. ******************************* Dana Scully's Apartment April 24, 1998 7:45 P. M. Dana Scully opened the door after he knocked for the third time. He gave her a big grin as he held out the flowers to her. "Hi Sweetheart, I really missed you." He held his arms out, expecting her to take the flowers and hug him. But she did neither, instead she stood there, she looked more pissed off than he had ever seen her. He could've sworn that there was smoke coming from her ears. When he saw the look of unmasked anger in her eyes all his happiness faded. "YOU BASTARD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" she screamed at him. Mulder was thunderstruck; he staggered back from the full force of her rage. "Dana, Dana honey, what's wrong? What did I do?" was all he managed to sputter. "You had to go and run off again! You told me you wouldn't run off anymore but you did anyway." "Wait a minute, what are you talking about? I didn't run off anywhere, Skinner sent me to Chicago on a VCS case. I called and left you a message. Didn't you get it?" "Yes, Clive gave me your message, that's not the point, Mulder and you know it." She finally backed up and turned away from him. He hesitantly came inside and stood in the middle of the room looking at Dana fearfully. He hadn't expected anything even remotely like this. He dropped the flowers down on the table, they now seemed painfully inappropriate. "We can't do this anymore Mulder, it's not going to work," she said, sounding calmer. Absolute fear gripped Mulder's heart; he came up behind her. "When did you start calling me Mulder again? You used to call me Fox." She ignored his question, "This whole thing is wrong, we're just tearing each other down. We can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore." "What are you saying Dana?" tears were starting to burn in his eyes. "Mulder, you know what I'm saying, please don't make this any harder than it already is. We've tried to hang on too long. We'll only make it worse if we try to hold it together any longer. This relationship just doesn't work for us anymore. We need to stop it now before we wind up hurting each other worse. This is really the best thing for both of us." She looked up at him, hoping he would understand, hoping he would see the logic in what she had said. Mulder did not understand; not one damn bit. This couldn't be happening; his worst nightmare could not be coming true. His heart was not being ripped out by the roots. He felt his throat close. "Dana! Please, don't say what you're about to say. Dana please don't do this to me, don't do this to us. Don't do what you're about to do. Whatever is wrong we can work it out together." He was begging her with desperation in his misty, green eyes. "Mulder, please you know this is the right thing for both of us." "Wait! Stop, what the hell do you mean by that? Are you thinking about us; or you?" "Since when did you ever think about anyone but yourself, Mulder! How dare you accuse me of being self-centered!" Scully's anger had again flared to the surface, nearly reaching a boiling point. "For the last five years everything has centered around you! Your quest! Your truth! You never thought about anyone else! And good old Scully the faithful sidekick I had to go and follow *Spooky Mulder* where no one with any sense would've gone." Mulder's head jerked with the painful blow her words had just hit him with. His own anger was rising with each moment. "None of that is true and you know it! You're not a sidekick, and if there were things I didn't include you in, it was because I cared about you and I didn't want you to get hurt. From the beginning I would've jumped in front of a truck to protect you! Don't you tell me that I'm self-centered, because I've always thought about you! If there's anyone around here that's only thinking of themselves it's you! You've been treating me like shit for the last three months! But I took it because I care about you. All this time I've been the only one who's been trying to keep us together. I'm the only one who's been doing any giving. When was the last time you touched me? The last time you came up to me and put your arms around me and kissed me? The last time you wanted me? When was the last time you told me you loved me? You can't remember can you? Well I can! You haven't done any of those things in three months. But in all that time I never stopped doing those things. You're the one who's self-centered not me!" Scully was livid. It was like she was another person. She had never been so angry at anyone in her life. She swung her hand at him with all her enraged strength and connected with his left cheek. She slapped him so hard that his head snapped back and he fell backwards off his feet. Mulder's brain took a moment to register that she had actually hit him. He continued to lay on the floor, dumbstruck. His face was on fire and his lip was bleeding. He was sure that he had never been slapped that hard. "GET THE HELL OUT, MULDER, GET OUT NOW. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, EVER." Mulder scrambled up from the floor, wiping the blood from his mouth. Her handprint was glowing on his cheek, angry and red. Tears were flowing freely down his face stinging where she'd slapped him. "Dana please..." All she did was shove him out the door. ****************************** Mulder staggered out to his car and got in, he didn't know where he was going, and all he knew was that his entire world had just fallen apart. He managed to find a liquor store that was all but empty. He opened the door and walked up to the counter. The old man at the register looked him over; he couldn't help but notice the bright red handprint on the young man's face and the sorrow in his eyes. All Mulder said was, "Scotch." The old man didn't bother to ask what size bottle he wanted, he could tell by looking. This guy obviously wanted to drink till he couldn't see straight. He handed him a quart. Mulder dropped the bills down on the counter and walked out silently. The old man put the money in the register as he shook his head, "I hope you work it out kid." he muttered to himself. Before he knew where he was he had pulled up to his apartment building. Opening his car door, he reached over, grabbed the bottle, and because he had nowhere else to go, he went upstairs. He walked into his dark apartment, and threw his suit coat towards the window. Walking to the kitchen he grabbed a glass and set it down on his coffee table along with the bottle.He slumped down onto the cold cushions of the leather couch, leaning foreward he grabbed the bottle and angrily took off the cap. He poured half a glass and downed it in one gulp, the drink burned both his cut lip and his throat as it went down, and he didn't care. He poured himself another glass; all he wanted to do was drink until he didn't feel anymore. Until all he felt was numb. Still he couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. He clutched the glass tighter and desperately tried to remember a time when he felt no pain. ************************** Maggie Scully reached for her phone. She hadn't heard from Dana or Fox in a couple of weeks so she decided to call. Scully jumped at the piercing sound of the phone. She reached for it, hoping it wasn't Mulder. It wasn't, it was almost as bad. It was her Mother. "Hi Dana, honey. I wanted to see how you, and Fox were doing." "Mom...uh." Dana didn't know what to say she could not even form a sentence. "Dana what's wrong? Did something happen between you and Fox?" "It's over between us Mom, we had an awful fight, I told him to get out." Maggie was flabbergasted, "Why Dana! Talk to me baby, what happened?" Scully's eyes stung as fresh tears threatened to form. "Mom, we just had a fight. We both said things that can never be taken back. It's just over between us." Maggie tried to soothe her daughter; "Oh honey you can forgive each other, whatever the two of you said in the heat of the moment can be forgiven. You two are so much in love, don't give up over a misunderstanding. Why don't you call him?" Scully rubbed her temple. "Mom, you don't understand. I told Mulder to get out of my home and out of my life." Maggie cut her off, "Dana, yes you may have said that but Fox knows you didn't mean it." It was Scully's turn to cut her mother off. "Mom! I said it and I meant it; and I still do. I don't want to see him anymore; I don't want him in my life. All I want to do is get on with my life without him. Bill was right about Mulder, I never should have gotten involved with him." "Dana! What are you saying? You can't mean that, this is all a mistake. I know in my heart that the two of you love each other." "No Mom, I don't love him anymore; and I really don't want to talk anymore." Scully hung up the phone and staggered her way into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, too tired to even snuggle in. She closed her eyes, but she couldn't silence the small voice inside her. *Dana this is wrong, this isn't you. You love Fox; he's the best part of your life. * Eventually she fell into a disturbed sleep. Haunted by dreams that someone was controlling her, making her do terrible things. Making her hurt someone she loved. She desperately tried to fight whatever was controlling her but to no avail. *************************** Maggie looked through her address book hunting for Fox Mulder's number she found it and quickly dialed. Mulder didn't even look up when his phone rang. He was too far gone to talk to anyone, so he sat there and let the machine pick it up. "Fox, It's Maggie Scully call me as soon as you get this message. I just talked to Dana and I'm very worried about you. I'd like you to come over to the house so we can work this out. Please call me so I'll know you're ok." Mulder's only movement was to pour himself another drink. He drank till the bottle was empty; still the pain hadn't dulled. He stood; up unsteady on his feet he wobbled his way to the bathroom. He snorted, thinking, * I'm still on my feet; I must not be drunk enough. * He was tempted to go and buy another bottle, but he wasn't that stupid. His brain still functioned enough to know that he was too drunk to go anywhere. Then he remembered he had half a bottle of white wine and some beer in the fridge. He retrieved a couple of bottles of Heineken and found his way back to the couch and slumped down into it, eventually losing consciousness and falling asleep. He slept till the midmorning sunlight filtered through the window. He slept right through the phone ringing again He continued to sleep when there was impatient knocking at his door. ***************************** End PT 2 Ok for all those who cant wait here's Part (3/6) ********************************************** Mulder became aware that someone was shaking him, telling him to wake up. He slowly opened his eyes, not remembering where he was. Then the memory of what happened came flooding back. He ran his hands through his dishevelled hair, *it wasn't a dream. * He thought. Walter Skinner still had a hand on Mulder's shoulder. "Mulder! Are you ok?" concern in his voice. Skinner looked around the room; he saw the empty scotch bottle on the floor along with a few beer bottles. Skinner was only a little bit surprised when Maggie Scully called him that morning. He'd gotten close to the Scully family during Dana Scully's hospitalization. He supposed it was because Scully was feeling guilty for suspecting that he was the traitor in the FBI instead of Blevins. He respected Maggie Scully she was a strong woman; protective of all her children. Including her 'adopted son' Fox. She seemed to take a liking to Skinner probably because he was protective of Dana and Mulder himself. Maggie was right to call him when she couldn't get a hold of Mulder. Something was very wrong she had said. Now Skinner thought to himself that was an understatement. Maggie hadn't told him the whole story but she told him enough to know that Mulder was very upset, Skinner just didn't realize how upset. Now he knew. He also knew Mulder well enough that he was certain that he didn't drink like this. It was then that he saw the handprint; that had by now turned into a large bruise on his cheek, deep purple and angry looking. It was then that he started to get more worried about the younger man. He helped Mulder sit up and sat down next to him. "Mulder, Maggie Scully called me this morning; she's very worried about you, and so am I." Skinner spoke quietly, never taking his eyes off him. "I'm ok Sir, I just had a bad night." "It looks like you had the night from hell. You want to talk about what happened?" "I really don't feel like talking about it." When he saw that his boss wouldn't be put off so easy he let out a breath and put his head in his hands. "Dana and I had a fight; a bad one." He looked up at Skinner, expecting him to say something, but he only nodded for him to continue. "I don't understand what happened I came back from Chicago and she exploded on me; she was a totally different person. We've been having problems these past few months but I thought we could work them out. But last night... last night she..." he trailed off struggling to maintain his control. Skinner said nothing he only waited for Mulder to speak again, when he didn't he nudged him. "Go on, last night she what?" "Last night she... uh she told me to get out of her life for good." Mulder's control slowly crumbled as the realization hit him with full force and the tears began to flow again freely. "Oh god!" he cried, "she really meant it I saw it in her eyes!" Walter Skinner didn't know what to say he continued to look at his young agent as he cried brokenheartedly. Skinner wasn't someone who showed his feelings easily, but over the past year or so he began to feel protective of his renegade agent. He honestly respected the young man; and never more so than when Mulder ardently refused to implicate him as the mole in the FBI Skinner understood that Mulder's refusal cost him, possibly the only chance he'd have to find his sister. What was it about Fox Mulder that endeared him to both Maggie Scully and himself? Was it the fact that he seemed so alone in the world? He was very much alone until Dana Scully came into his life. But now what would happen to him? Mulder got up and weaved his way into the kitchen and rummaged around in the fridge.He returned to the couch clutching a bottle of beer.He uncapped the bottle and started to pour himself a glass. Skinner reached over and held his arm. "That won't make it any better Fox, you know that." Mulder looked up; he didn't even bother to correct the use of his first name. "I know it won't, I've been trying all night to turn my blood stream into an alcohol stream." He set the bottle down and capped it. He finally spoke again. "I can't believe this is real. I was hoping that I'd wake up and find it had all been a nightmare, but I guess it wasn't. I fell in love with her a long time ago but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to risk what we had. Then when I finally did tell her I was so afraid she wouldn't feel the same for me. When I found out she did it was like my heart started beating for the first time in that moment. But now I'm scared it looks as if my fears were right, I've just ruined our friendship because I wanted more. If I had just kept my damn mouth shut I'd at least have her with me still. Now I may never have her with me again." Skinner grabbed Mulder by the shoulder. "Fox! Don't say that. You can't live your life closed off from everyone, believe me I know. You can't live without risks and loving someone is the biggest risk of all. Loving someone is never a mistake, and you know it." "I just don't care anymore." Mulder said quietly, his face still buried in his hands. "All I know is that I'd give anything not to feel the way I do now. I thought I was miserable before but now I realize I was a whole lot happier when I was only miserable. I'm just so damn tired I don't know what to do anymore." Those words shocked Skinner more than any of the others Mulder had said. He knew he had to get Mulder out of that apartment. Maggie had told Skinner to bring Fox to her house and now he was convinced that was the only sensible thing to do. There was no way he'd leave Mulder here alone for fear of what he might do to himself. He walked into the unused bedroom and picked up Mulder's still packed overnight bag, and set it by the front door. Then went over to Mulder. "C'mon Mulder we're getting out of here." He said simply in a tone that would accept no arguments. Mulder for his part was so drained that he didn't even try to resist as the older man pulled him off the couch and out the door. ******************************* Maggie Scully held her breath when she saw a car pull up and Walter Skinner get out. Only when she saw him pull Mulder out and half support him up to the door did she breathe a sigh of relief. Her relief was short-lived when she saw how haggard Mulder looked. She was alarmed when she saw the bruise on his face. He looked up at her with sorrow and tears in his green eyes. All he could do was hang his head and whisper, "I'm sorry Mrs. Scully, I'm so sorry..." "Oh Fox dear, it's alright." She said as she put her arm around him and guided him into the house. He stood a moment in the den before bolting away from Maggie Scully and tearing into the bathroom. Maggie started to follow but Skinner held her back. "What happened to him Walter." "Give him some time Maggie, he had a really bad night. He'll probably be pretty sick for a while. His blood's mostly alcohol right now." Mulder came out of the bathroom and walked hesitantly into the den. Maggie reached out to him. "Come on Fox I've got a room all ready for you." Mulder had no fight left in him at all, he allowed himself to be led to the spare room. He managed to take off his boots while Maggie helped him get out of his coat. He curled up on the bed on his side, wincing as the pillow made contact with his swollen face. Maggie left the room and came back a minute later with a cold pack that she laid on the bruise. "Keep this on it'll bring the swelling down. What happened?" She asked. "I wasn't looking where I was going, I ran into a wall," he said quietly. Maggie looked him in the eye. "It looks like you ran into a red-headed wall. Do you want to talk about it Fox?" "No I'm sorry I just can't talk about it right now." "Alright, you're exhausted I want you to rest for a while." She brushed the hair out of his eyes. She turned and walked out of the room leaving the door open. She joined Skinner in the den, "Walter I just don't understand what is happening here. A few months ago I would have sworn that nothing could tear Dana and Fox apart, and now that's exactly what's happened. When I talked to Dana she said she just didn't love Fox anymore, and she didn't want to be with him. Now I know that's just not like her." Skinner nodded his head. "Earlier this month she asked for a reassignment to the lab. That was surprising in itself; but when she asked me not to tell Mulder that's what shocked the hell out of me. I don't know what's going on Maggie but I'm damn sure going to find out. END PART 1 ************************ THINK TWICE PT. 2/2 ############%%%%%%%%%############# Walter Skinner knew it was probably a bad idea, but he had to at least try to find out what was going on. Neither Maggie Scully nor Mulder himself had any explanation for what had caused Dana Scully to seemingly turn against her partner. A partnership that Skinner would've bet his life on. Typically Scully did not want to talk. But the more she refused the more Skinner pushed.Finally, she gave him answers, not the ones he expected or wanted to hear. Her answers only led to more unanswerable questions. "I don't know what you want to hear from me, Sir. I can't even begin to understand why you're even asking me about this. Mulder and I broke up; it's that simple. We never should have gotten romantically involved in the first place. As for my decision to quit the X-Files, I just can't do it anymore. The cost has just become too high. I've just been put through too much. I don't want to work with him, I don't want to see him anymore." Skinner looked pale at not only her words but also her coldness towards Mulder. "Listen Dana, There is nothing about this whole situation that sounds like you, I mean it sounds like someone else. This just isn't you, I've seen and heard for myself and I still don't believe it. You don't understand what this is doing not only to you but also to all of us, especially to Mulder. I went to get him this morning and I can't believe what I saw. Do you know he spent the night trying to drink himself to death. I'm damn sure he doesn't drink like that. I just need to know what he did to make you do this to him I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital because of all the alcohol and the bruise on his face." "I'm sorry Sir, there's nothing else I can say. This discussion is getting us nowhere. Things have happened that none of us can change. I really don't want to talk about it anymore."She got up from the table and showed Skinner to the door. Skinner made a last ditch effort. "Please just think about it, think about the repercussions. He's going to fall apart you know that, hell he already has. This is going to kill him." Skinner left her alone with her thoughts. Scully walked back and fourth across the floor, her mind awhirl. Part of her was furious at Skinner for even questioning her, for insinuating that she wasn't in control of her own actions and feelings. She was most of all furious at Mulder for dragging yet another third party into their private problem. Why couldn't he just handle something on his own instead of falling apart like a child. *Just take it like a man and move on Mulder* she thought coldly. Still there was that nagging voice somewhere inside of her, echoing all of what Skinner had said and more. *Why do you hate him? Now you think he's not a man. If he wasn't t a man he would have hit you back. * That was true Scully thought; he didn't hit her and he had never raised a hand to her in anger. He'd never screamed at her, never shoved her, and never even swore at her. Although she'd done all those things on more than one occasion. Even in the heat of the moment he kept his head in a fight. He was always conscious of the fact his angry partner was a woman and he was a man, he was much larger and stronger than she was. Mulder could very easily mop up the floor with her. There were times Scully knew she had pushed him too far, times he had to physically restrain himself from putting her through a wall. She would see it in his eyes how they would turn black with anger. He would turn away from her shouts and go find somewhere to vent his anger. Scully remembered once in their office they had gone round after round. She had gone from screaming at him to shoving him into the filing cabinets. She shoved and shoved but he was larger and stronger. He grabbed her wrists with one hand and as calmly as possible pushed her away from him with the other hand. "Don't push any more Scully. Don't make me forget that you're a woman and that I'm supposed to be a gentleman!" He was seething through clenched teeth, his hands shaking with rage as he yanked the glasses off his face and dropped them onto the desk. His statement jolted her back to her senses she stood stock still as he scrambled out the door. Scully began to be afraid because of her foolishness as she heard him in the hallway as he hammered his fist through the storage boxes at least five times. If he had punched her, she would've been dead before she hit the floor. Scully had seen Mulder angry plenty of times when someone was hiding the truth he so desperately sought, or someone was lying to him. But more often than not his anger flared when someone was trying to hurt her. If Scully was at risk or someone hurt her he'd go ballistic he'd thrown people larger than he was against walls and through windows. After she woke up from her coma her Mother told her how enraged he was when he came into see her the first time. He demanded answers from the doctors, when they didn't provide them he went nuts. It took three men to drag him out. When it came to someone hurting Scully, Mulder saw red, and like an angry bull he'd mow down anyone stupid enough to harm her. Scully tried and finally succeeded in quieting the small voice inside her. She knew it was over between her and Mulder but she told herself it was for the best. She continued to tell herself that it was for the best the rest of that evening and through the days and weeks that followed. ********************************* Office of Dr. Zuckerman July 24,1998 9:45 A. M. Dana Scully came in for her regular six month exam a week early, she had never been an ideal patient but ever since the cancer had gone into remission she hadn't been lax in her exams. Dr. Zuckerman had poked, prodded, and run a full battery of tests. "Well Dana, how have you been?" "I've been fine except for a few headaches and some insomnia." Zuckerman continued to examine Dana. "When did all this begin?" "Oh I don't know maybe a month or two ago." Zuckerman studied her seriously. "Dana you should have brought this to my attention when these symptoms first arose. I'll want to do a new set of blood tests and another M.R.I. Now is there anything else going on. Scully chewed her bottom lip. "Um... well my uh partner and I broke up three months ago." Zuckerman looked at her sympathetically. "Your partner. Were you just work partners or something more?" "We were involved...um romantically. But things just didn't work out between us." "Do you think that's what's causing the headaches and insomnia." Dana thought a moment. "No I think the symptoms started before that." "Well to be on the safe side we'll run those tests and see how they come out. We should have the results in a couple of days. We'll call you if anything out of the ordinary shows up." *************************** Hoover Bldg. Washington, D.C. July 24, 1998 Fox Mulder leaned back in his chair thumbing through the file he'd been looking at for the last hour; he couldn't even focus on what he was reading. He'd been going through the motions of working for the last three months. He wasn't really doing anything it was as if time had just stopped. Everyone else around him had been continuing with their routines; with their lives, but Fox Mulder's life had stopped when Dana had told him to get out of her life. He hadn't seen or heard from her since that night and although it had been three months the wound was still fresh. He could still see the events every time he closed his eyes; he could still feel the hard slap across his face. That was the reason he threw himself into work more than he ever had before. He had long since stopped working on X-files he was back to profiling VCS cases. He threw himself into these cases hardly taking time to eat or sleep. Now he existed mostly on sugar and caffeine. To those few who would ask how he was he'd always say he was fine but he knew deep down he wasn't. She was all he thought about and try as he might he wasn't'' t able to get her off his mind. He wondered how much longer he'd last. He slammed the file down in frustration, and then he reached over to snap the radio on, hoping for a distraction. Haunting lyrics suddenly mesmerized him. Mulder nearly jerked the knob off the radio trying to turn it off as fast as he could. "I gotta get outta here." He grabbed his coat and briefcase stumbling to the door he almost ran out to his car. He drove off not caring where he went he just knew he had to get away from the office. The more he drove the more he realized that he had absolutely nowhere to go. All the pain and desperation of the past three months had built up to the point where it was almost unbearable. He didn't know what to do anymore he felt like he merely existed between the lives of others, without Dana his life no longer made sense. Before the breakup; his way of dealing with past pain was to throw himself into the work of the X-files. But now he couldn't bear to open up a file because she was no longer there to work with him. So the X-files had gone largely untouched for the last three months. The only cases he'd gotten into were the VCS cases, and although he hated them he excelled at them. He decided to go home rather than drive till he ran out of gas. He walked up the stairs to his fourth floor apartment, fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the door. In frustration he flung his coat across the room as he slumped down on the couch and turned on the TV. "Another fun filled weekend for the miserable and lifeless," he mused sardonically. He wondered when it would end, when the pain would stop. He'd heard the well-meaning encouragement s from the very few people at the Bureau that didn't hate him. They said things like *It's not the end of the world* and *You'll get over it. * But they were wrong it felt like the end of the world. He silently wondered *When does "you'll get over it" begin? * He didn't even leave his apartment all weekend he just vegged out on ESPN and worked on a couple of six-packs. Since he didn't feel like getting commode-hugging drunk, he confined himself to Heineken. He wouldn't have minded getting drunk if it made the pain go away, but it didn't so he just didn't feel like it was even worth the hangover. So there he sat late on Sunday afternoon watching TV instead of out running or playing basketball like he usually did. He turned when he heard an insistent knocking on his door. "Yeah, yeah this better be good," he said as he threw open the door. He was surprised to see Skinner standing on the landing. Mulder said nothing instead he let Skinner come in and sit down. "Hi Mulder I came by to see how you're doing." "Oh I'm fine. Aside from the fact that the only woman I cared about, the only one I could trust just ripped out my heart and stepped on my aorta." He said sarcastically. Mulder sat down next to Skinner, rubbing his brow in a gesture of exhaustion. "I don't know what to tell you Sir, it's all too unreal, it doesn't make any sense. This hurts more than anything I've ever gone through. "I didn't even recognize Dana that night, it was like she wasn't the woman I've been with these last five years. I thought it would get easier as time went on," Mulder said sadly. "I'm just so damn tired I can't even think anymore. I don't even want to think anymore. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to feel anymore. I'd give anything not to feel like I do now." **************************** Dana Scully's Apartment July 27, 1998 8:00 A.M. Skinner cautiously climbed the steps to Dana Scully's apartment, hesitating a moment before he knocked on the door. He had been worried about his two agents. Nothing made sense it was definitely an X-file. The whole situation between Mulder and Scully didn't make any sense. He knew there was more to it than a simple fight or a misunderstanding. The whole thing had the feeling of a conspiracy as if darker forces were at work. Since Mulder was in no condition to listen to him, he hoped that Scully would. Dana Scully busied herself with her morning routine, methodically applying her make-up. She reached into her bag for her lipstick; she was pleased with the new color, having only bought it two weeks before. She looked at her reflection wistfully she missed Mulder more than she had realized before. After all this time she felt helpless to do anything about it. She was startled when she heard a knock on her door. Scully opened the door to see Skinner standing there with a look of concern on his features. "Agent Scully I hope I'm not calling too early but I need to talk to you." Scully was taken aback, "No it's ok come in. I'm just getting ready to go to the office. What did you want to talk to me about? It must be important to bring you all the way out here." Skinner sat in the chair she offered him. "Yes it's important. I'll come right to it. When was the last time you saw Mulder?" Scully squirmed at the mention of his name, "I uh... I haven't seen him in three months. Why?" "I saw him last night. Scully he doesn't look too good I'm very worried." Scully hesitated a moment then she asked. "How is he?" It was a simple question but the concern was evident in her eyes and in her voice. "He's not too good. I don't know if he's going to make it through this. When I saw him last night he scared me he said that he'd give anything not to feel the way he did, and that he was just so damn tired he couldn't think anymore." Scully managed to regain her calm exterior."He's a strong man, he ll be alright." Skinner cut her off "Agent Scully I don't think you heard right. When was the last time you ever heard Fox Mulder admit to being tired?" Scully felt all her defenses slip away. She just looked at Skinner silently "Can I ask what happened between you two? I mean I know you had a fight Mulder told me that already. But when did it start and how did it all start?" Scully was about to argue with him and tell him it wasn't his business, but something in his eyes made her think twice. She began to spill the whole story, starting with the first time she exploded on Mulder. When she told him she could have a good day without him. She told how they had drifted apart, the headaches, the insomnia. Everything till that terrible night that she told Mulder to get out. Tears fell at the memory of her words, the look in his eyes, and that sickening sensation when her hand had connected with Mulder's cheek and lip. She shuddered at the image of the blood on his mouth and the hand-print on his face. "I saw him a couple of days after that walking through one of the halls at the Bureau, the whole left side of his face was purple. I don't know why but though part of me felt nothing there was a part that was aching because of what I'd done." She looked over at Skinner. "Why are you asking me this now?" "Because this whole thing stinks of a set up. Like someone is pulling yours and Mulder's strings. I don't know how but I just know." They were both startled by the ringing of the phone. Scully walked over and picked it up. "Dana, this is Dr. Zuckerman. I've found something very unusual in your tests. Can you come over right away so we can discuss it?" Scully paled at this. "Yes I'll be right there." She looked at Skinner a moment as she hung up and simply said," I don't know what this is about but I have a feeling it has something to do with this whole mess. I'll let you know what I find out." "Agent Scully, do you need me to go with you?" Skinner offered. "No I'll be fine. I'll call you." ****************************** Office of Dr. Zuckerman Dana Scully walked into Dr. Zuckerman's office and sat down in the chair he offered her. Impatient as ever, it was Scully who spoke first. "Ok Dr. Zuckerman what did you find in my test results." Dr. Zuckerman handed a file to Scully, who started reading. "Ordinarily I would be at a loss to explain results like this but given your line of work I was hoping you could explain it to me." He handed her the file. Scully looked up at him with a shocked expression on her face. "Is this right! Are you sure?" The doctor nodded. "Yes I'm positive. I had the lab run it twice just to make sure. From the symptoms you described I'm positive that this is the cause." Scully continued to scan the report. "It says here they found an LSD designer drug, an amphetamine substance and some kind of Dopamine. I don't understand how this got in my system." She looked at Dr. Zuckerman totally at a loss for words. Then it dawned on her, those were the same drugs that were used on Mulder when his father was killed. Scully suddenly went pale. All the events of the past six months were beginning to fall into place. Her headaches, the insomnia, the erratic behavior. Why didn't she realize it before? Those were the very same symptoms that Mulder experienced. It all made sense now. Somehow someone had been feeding her these drugs in small amounts over time in order to use her.She didn't have to even ask who or why, she already knew the answers to those questions. What she wanted to know was how. She was determined to find out. "I have to find out how they did this." She stood up and started to leave when the doctor stopped her. "Wait Dana, we should do another blood test to see how much of the drugs are still in your system. In the meantime would you care to explain all this to me?" Scully answered him." I'll explain it when I've figured it out myself." ****************************** Fox Mulder walked out of A.D. Skinner's office. It was only 3:30 in the afternoon but he was going home anyway. He had just done something he thought he'd never do, he'd requested to close the X-files, permanently. He just couldn't go on without his partner; he couldn't even stand to be in his basement office, their office. Skinner had agreed to give him a transfer to the VCS division in Chicago. He was going to go back to being a profiler in a city where no one knew him. Mulder had given Skinner no choice he simply told Skinner that if he didn't agree to the transfer he would resign right then and there. Skinner had pleaded with him to change his mind but Mulder was adamant. "I'm sorry Sir I... I just can't stay here anymore I'm drowning here. I can't continue without her. I'm sorry." Skinner looked at the young agent with sympathetic eyes wishing he had the right words to say. The words that would make Mulder stay, but he didn't know what to say. "Mulder don't do this. I talked to Dana earlier this morning; I think there's more going on here than there appears to be. I don't know all the details but her Doctor called her and something about some tests. I got the impression from her that it has something to do with all this. So just wait a little while, don't give up the X-Files. They've been your life." Mulder shook his head sadly. "Not anymore. They were a means to find my sister. I found her; she was here all along. She doesn't want anything to do with me either. I've lost everything I just have to start my life over somewhere else. I'm sorry." "I'm sorry too Mulder, I hate to lose you." Skinner paused a moment as Mulder turned to leave. "Fox, if you change your mind, if there's anything you need you know you can call me." All Mulder could do was nod as he left the room. As he was walking toward the exit Agent Colton caught up to him. "Hey Mulder." Mulder groaned inwardly; this was the last thing that he needed. He didn't even turn around, he just kept walking, and hoping Colton would just go away. Colton didn't. He stopped Mulder with a hand on his shoulder. Mulder rolled his eyes as he turned around. "What is it Colton?" Colton just couldn't resist putting the knife to Mulder. "I knew Scully would come to her senses eventually. I knew she wouldn't allow herself to be swallowed by the *Spooky Patrol* forever." Mulder tensed at the attack. "Is there a point to this Colton or are you trying to prove that you're inhuman as well as stupid." Colton looked smug as he let loose with the kicker. "Oh there's a point alright. I just think it's about time Scully cut herself loose from you and your fantasy world." Mulder clenched and unclenched his fists. "What the hell are you talking about?" He spat out viciously. "Didn't you know Mulder? Scully asked the A.D. for the reassignment, it wasn't ordered by a higher up. She wanted out of *Spookyland* so she got Skinner to transfer her. So I guess you didn't contaminate her with your weirdness after all." Colton just continued to stand there and smile smugly at the agent he was so jealous of. Mulder on the other hand had his mouth open in shock, the words not completely registering. His heart that he thought was only broken;now shattered into a million pieces. Mulder didn't say anything he just turned around and kept walking out the door for fear that if he said anything he would end up beating the hell out of Colton. He could still hear Colton's words burning in his ears as he broke into a run heading for his car. Before he knew where he was going he found himself in front of the liquor store again. In a daze he walked inside and bought a bottle of scotch, there was no getting around it; tonight he was going to get as drunk as he possibly could. ********************* Subject: "Think Twice" PT (5/6) ********************* Dana Scully with the Lone Gunmen's help had managed to get a pretty good idea how someone was able to drug her. They had systematically narrowed down the possibilities. Then they tested everything that could be used to hide the drugs in and come up with what they were looking for. Her lipstick, it was almost gone but there were still tiny traces of the drugs in it. She had stopped using that lipstick about a week or two ago so the drugs must have worn off. Around 2:00 Dr. Zuckerman's office called her cell phone with the news that her blood test came out clean, the drugs were no longer in her system. They now knew how the whole thing had been accomplished and they all knew pretty much who had done it. The consortium and whatever shadowy individual that was pulling the strings. As for why, that too was apparent. The consortium obviously still saw Mulder and Scully as a threat to their plans. So instead of attacking them directly they found a way to turn Dana Scully against her partner. Scully's heart pounded at the thought the whole plan had been so wonderfully executed that they might never have found out. If she had gone to the Doctor just a few days later as she had planned she would have never known. Now she had to get to the office, she had to get to Fox, tell him everything. She looked at the Lone Gunmen with tears in her eyes. "I don't know how to thank you guys for your help." Byers interrupted her. "There's no need Agent Scully. Don't waste time talking to us you've got to tell Mulder, now." Scully nodded and quickly rushed to the door. Frohike stopped her. "Do you want us to come with you?" His concern was palpable. "No." She said, "I have to face him, and I have to do it alone. I just hope he can believe one more time." With that she quickly went out the door and to her car. She glanced at her watch; it was already 3:00. She impatiently drummed her fingers on the steering wheel willing the traffic to move faster. It was after 4:00 when she finally pulled into the garage at the bureau. "Please be here, please be here," she repeated to herself. She ran down the corridor to the basement office. She was nearly overcome by memories, Mulder's hand at her back guiding her through the maze. Every lopsided grin he'd ever flashed at her. The light in his eyes. Scully opened the door of the office and snapped on the lights. She scanned the room it looked like no one had been there in weeks it had been cleaned and there was a layer of dust on everything. His desk was absolutely spotless; the only thing on his desk was a framed picture. She reached over and picked it up, gazing into it. It was a picture of them at some FBI picnic. They were sitting on the ground. Mulder was behind Scully with his arms around her, he was actually laughing Scully was partially turned looking up into his face,laughing with him.Scully closed her eyes and allowed herself to remember. Everybody had to team up with their partner for a three-legged race. They were one of the last, their sizes were so different she couldn't match his strides. So he supported her with one arm trying to half-carry her to the finish line. They were almost there when Mulder's foot planted on a rock and down they both went, laughing and Mulder clutching her tightly. Scully wasn't even aware that Mulder had gotten a hold of that picture. She tucked the picture into her purse, and went off to find him. She had to find him; she had to show him the file she held tightly in her hand. Convince him somehow that it was all a set up, that she didn't realize what she was doing. She knew he might be able to believe the conspiracy, but she wondered if he could forgive her. If they could find their way back, if he would believe that she still loved him. Scully had looked everywhere for Mulder with no luck she finally went to Skinner. He told her everything, how Mulder had resigned from the X-files and was transferring to Chicago. Scully couldn't believe what he had said. She showed Skinner the file and explained everything to him. That the consortium had drugged her and turned her against Mulder. They had effectively destroyed their partnership and the X-Files. She jumped up. "I've got to find him." She left Skinner, promising that she would call and let him know what happened. She was running towards the door when Colton came up beside her and stopped her. "Hey Scully it's nice to know that you're back among the sane." Colton smiled mischievously "I saw your *ex* a little while ago and told him the same thing. Funny he didn't appreciate it as much as I thought he would. Well leave it to *Spooky* to not get a joke." Scully looked at Colton with fire in her eyes. "What did you tell him!?" "Oh, I told him what he should've already known. That you had finally come to your senses and transferred out of the *Spooky Patrol* I don't know why he was so surprised. It was only a matter of time." Scully was livid, If Colton was paying attention he would've seen her turn red with anger and he would have run for his life. Saner men had. "YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! What the hell did you do that for!" Colton's smile was immediately replaced by shock. The other people in the hallway turned to see the reaming out he was getting." Scully would've really let him have it but she didn't want to waste one second on this idiot. All that mattered was that she find Mulder, and fast. She ran out to her car praying she was not too late. **************************** Fox Mulder's Apartment July 27 1998 Mulder walked into his apartment and looked around in frustration and anger. He'd never felt so betrayed in his life. Scully had wanted to get away from him, she had lied to him and told him that her working at Quantico was some higher-up's idea all the while it had been her request. With a barely controlled scream of rage he threw his briefcase as hard as he could against the wall. It connected with his bookshelf and all his books came crashing down. While the case broke apart scattering his papers all around the room. He threw his body down onto the couch and cleared his coffee table with one sweep of his long, muscular arm, scattering more debris on the floor. He pulled the bottle from the bag and uncapped it, and then not even bothering with a glass he took a large swig directly from the bottle. Mulder shifted uncomfortably on the couch he hadn't even taken off his suit coat but he didn't care. What he did care about was the gun that was digging into his side; he pulled the gun, holster and all off his belt and set it carefully on the table in front of him. Mulder continued to replay the last six months over and over in his mind. He intended to get drunk but still after more than an hour hadn't taken more than that first gulp. His despondency worsened by the minute. ********************************* Washington D.C. Dana Scully's Car July 27, 1998 6:05 P. M. Don't think I can't feel that there's something wrong. You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long. I look in your eyes there's a distant light, and you and I know there'll be a storm tonight. This is getting serious. Are you thinking 'bout you or us Don't say what you're about to say Look back before you leave my life Be sure before you close that door. Before you roll those dice. Baby think twice. The song on the radio brought fresh tears to her eyes. His words still echoing in her ears. "Please don't do this to me Dana. Don't do this to us. Don't do what you're about to do. Whatever is wrong we can work it out together." Baby think twice for the sake of our love, for the memory. For the fire and the faith that was you and me Babe, I know it ain't easy when your soul cries out for higher ground. 'Cos when you're halfway up you're always halfway down. Don't say what you're about to say. Look back before you leave my life Be sure before you close that door. Baby this is serious. Are you thinking 'bout you or us. The song repeating what he desperately tried to make her understand, that terrible night. Think about what you're doing. For the last three months, she hadn't given it a second thought. They depended on each other, she could see that so clearly now. Why didn't she see it then? Don't say what you're about to say Look back before you leave my life Be sure before you close that door. Before you roll those dice. Don't do what you're about to do. My everything depends on you. Whatever it takes I'll sacrifice. Before you roll those dice. Baby think twice. She could see him so clearly, the imploring, desperate look in his eyes. After three months she could still recall the events with perfect clarity. She tried to block it out but it played over and over in her mind. The tears continued to roll down her cheeks as she tore through the late afternoon traffic. Unbidden, the image of her cracking Mulder across the face jumped into her thoughts. She choked on a sob, as she relived the sickening experience. Him lying on the floor with a neon red handprint on his jaw and blood running down his lip. She finally got off the parkway and onto the surface roads, cursing every red light she hit. She desperately prayed that he would be there, that he would be all right, that he could forgive her and they could put the pieces back together. ****************************** Fox Mulder's Apartment July 27 1998 7:13 P.M. After what Colton had told him Mulder's world had imploded. He had nothing left. The X-files, which had been his driving purpose for so long were gone. He couldn't stand to go into that office he couldn't even look at a file. Over the last five years he had become so dependent on Scully that trying to function without her was like trying to function with half of him missing. Those on the outside would never be able to understand what it was like. His peers at the bureau had never liked him, they could not understand him, but Scully did. She was the only one who ever tried to. He hadn't cared that other agents thought he was strange, spooky, and insane and whatever else they thought about him. The work they were doing and Scully were all he cared about. It was like the man that everybody disliked and thought was a creep. But his wife was everything the man was not and she had become her husband's *human credential. * The man gained some respect because of his wife. Scully was that and more to Mulder she was his *human credential. * She made him a whole person, as if because she could stand him he must have some humanity in him. She was the only thing that made him sane. Without her he felt his sanity slipping. She was the only truly important thing in his life, and she was gone. Worse than gone she had actively distanced herself from him. He had intended to just try to start over in Chicago, but with the knowledge that Scully had wanted nothing more than to get away from him, hurt so bad that he didn't even feel alive. In that second he just fell apart. Everything that was still holding him together violently shattered. He reached down for the bottle and took his second drink. His eyes caught the metallic glint on the barrel of his gun. He put down the bottle and picked up the gun and pulled it from the leather holster. Crying silently he gripped the gun tightly across the barrel and pressed it's side flat against his forehead. His tears running down the stock and into his hands. The smell of salt in his tears mingling with that of the gun oil. He just wanted the pain to stop that's all he wanted he thought as he put the cold muzzle of the Sig Sauer in his mouth. *********************** Finally, after what seemed like an eternity fighting the traffic Dana Scully roared into the parking lot of Mulder's building. She saw his car in the parking lot and broke into almost hysterical laughter with relief. But when she looked up at his window and saw that the apartment was dark a knot of worry jumped into her throat. Mulder sitting in a darkened apartment was a bad sign. She fairly flew up the stairs and into the elevator. Her heart pounding in her chest. She got off the elevator and ran up to his door. The two was hanging crazily by one screw. She hesitantly knocked, once, twice. The fifth time she pounded on the door, making her fist sting. After a few minutes when he didn't answer she scrambled for her key. Worry and fear making her breaths come in short gasps. Scully found her key and with shaking hands she roughly shoved it into the lock and threw the door open. The apartment was pitch dark. Scully could see nothing beyond the foyer. She stepped into the apartment; She was hit with the thick sense of misery that hung in the air like a dense fog. She left the door open as she walked through the foyer and into the dark living room. The room was a silent tomb; it was so dark her eyes couldn't penetrate the darkness. Scully stopped in her tracks to give her eyes a chance to adjust to the faint light coming in from the hall. When they finally did adjust she looked around the room. Taking in the total disarray of the room. Her head turned slowly and she saw the open scotch bottle on the coffee table, the only clear surface in the place. She gasped when she finally made out the form of Mulder sitting absolutely motionless on the couch. A horrible knot of sheer terror and panic caused her throat to close. When she saw that he had the muzzle of his Sig in his mouth and his finger tightly gripping the trigger. She felt herself almost gag, bile rising in her throat. She wanted to grab the gun and throw it as far as she could. But she knew she had to stay calm the situation was too desperate for any stupid moves. Mulder hadn't stirred he didn't even seem aware of her presence. She couldn't take the risk of startling him, not while he had two pounds of pressure on a three-pound trigger. She slowly crossed over in front of the couch so he could see her, still he was unresponsive his body absolutely still. Dana could no longer hold back her own tears they burned down her cheeks as the awful realization of what she had done to him hit her with an almost physical slap. She carefully held out a hand towards him and called to him quietly. "Fox... Fox please can you hear me? Oh Fox please put the gun down. Look at me Fox. Please baby, please don't do this. Put the gun down and look at me. Please stay with me. Please stay." She continued to speak softly to him for what seemed to her like hours. A sensation began to penetrate Fox Mulder's foggy, grief- stricken brain. A familiar sensation; the voice of his partner calling across the deep chasm of his despair. Awareness began to return to his conscious mind. Realization that he hadn't lost what was left of his mind. He was hearing her voice, hearing the fear in her voice as she called his name over and over again. He moved his head with the Sig still in his mouth; his eyes began to focus on the form in front of him. He thought he was hallucinating. She was there begging him to put the gun down, begging him to stay with her, not to pull the trigger. Very slowly, agonizingly so, Mulder lowered the Sig, taking it out of his mouth and let it hang limp in his hand. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. Finally, something between a choke and a sob escaped his throat. Then he managed to find his voice. "Dana...Dana is that you?" Dana's hands flew to her mouth with a choking sob of relief as her legs gave out and she crumpled to her knees in front of him. "Oh Fox...Fox." was all she could manage between sobs and gasping for breath. Finally she spoke. "Fox I'm so sorry. I let them use me. They used me to split us up." Mulder looked at her dumbfounded. She got up off his floor to retrieve the file she had dropped at the door. She showed it to him explaining it. "They drugged me, they turned me against you because they knew it would destroy us." Mulder continued to read the file as he struggled to comprehend her words. "You...you were drugged?" He asked as the tears stubbornly refused to stop. As the full meaning of what he was reading and what she was saying hit him an agonized cry escaped his parched throat. "Oh god...I was so scared I thought you... you hated me." He jumped up from the couch anger now beginning to replace his sorrow. "My god Dana, have you got any idea what that did to me!!?" He turned and faced her "DO YOU!!" he yelled at her. He began to pace the room like a caged tiger. "I don't think you understand the hell I've been through these past three months! I was ready to blow my damn head off. I even loaded the gun with hollow- point bullets so I'd be sure I wouldn't miss! So that there wouldn't be enough of my head left to put in an evidence bag!" Dana couldn't say anything she knew he was right, he'd lived his worst nightmare. She shook violently at the thought of his lifeless body on the floor. More tears fell as she considered what she had done to him. It didn't matter that someone else had pulled the strings. She was the one who'd hurt him. She couldn't blame him if he couldn't forgive her, couldn't trust her. She looked up at him. "Fox...I know that I hurt you. I don't blame you if you can't forgive me. I don't blame you for hating me. And I know you won't believe me when I tell you that I am so, so sorry and I know that you probably don't want to see me again, for what it's worth I love you. I don't want to make you any more angry than you already are so if you'll be ok I'll just get out of your way." She looked at him hoping he'd tell her she could stay. She was disappointed when all he said was, "Fine, whatever." He turned away from her as she reached down and picked up his gun from the floor and shoved it into her purse. She said nothing as she walked out the door. Mulder needed to clear his head so he changed into his running clothes and bounded down to the street and took off running like the hounds of hell were nipping on his heels. He ran till the air burned his lungs, till he no longer felt his legs. He ran till it felt like it was someone else who was running. ************************* Dana Scully drove home in shock the tears which never seemed to run out continued to fall. She had to actually tell herself to put one foot in front of the other and walk into her apartment. Once inside she was barely conscious of locking the door. she simply dropped her purse and the file and groped into the bathroom and threw up. She lay in a crumpled heap on the cool tile floor, her head resting on the tub. Her body shivered despite the fact that she had forgotten to take off her jacket. She just sat there shivering and crying till she mercifully passed out. *************************** Ok, Here's the last part Hope you enjoy. *************************************** The next thing Scully became aware of that someone was lightly shaking her and stroking her hair. She blinked her eyes as she tried to figure out where she was. She heard a voice that sounded very far away. "Dana, Dana are you ok?" She looked around for the source of the voice, but her eyes wouldn't focus. Someone was crouched over her. Fox Mulder had run till all the anger had gone out of him. He kept on running till he got to Dana's apartment. When she didn't answer her door he let himself in. He went through the entire apartment and found her in the bathroom. His heart melted when he saw her in a crumpled heap, leaning against the tub. He reached down and picked her up, carefully cradling her in his arms. He laid her gently down on the couch, helping her take off her jacket and shoes. Then he went into the kitchen and got her a glass of water and brought it back to her. He sat down behind her head, helping her sit up. "Here Dana, drink this you'll feel better." He sat there silently till he was sure she was able to understand him. She handed back the empty glass which he set on the coffee table. "What... what are you doing here? I thought..." she croaked finally. Fox lovingly brushed back her hair. "Ssh don't talk just listen. I'm sorry, so sorry that I blew up on you. I know that none of this was your fault. You hear me it's not your fault. I shouldn't have blamed you. Listen to me, I do forgive you, and I still love you. Nothing will ever change that. I love you so much, baby." While he was speaking Dana crawled up into his lap, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her head. Fresh tears began to fall from her eyes and she started to shake again. She readjusted his arms around her and snuggled deeply against his chest so that he completely enveloped her. He continued to speak softly to her stroking her back, comforting her till the tears stopped. After a while Mulder realized he was still in his sweaty running clothes, his shirt now drenched with Dana's tears. He started to move her to get up, but she clutched him fearfully. He smiled down at her. "It's ok I'm not gonna leave." She released him, hiccuping, "Fox your clothes are drenched." "Yeah I know. Look, I smell like a dirty gym sock I'm gonna grab a quick shower. Ok?" She nodded, finally releasing him and she got up and retrieved the sweatpants and t-shirt he kept at her apartment and handed them to him. "I'll only be a minute and I'll leave the door open in case you need me. While Mulder took his shower Scully sat back down on the couch, her eyes closing with fatigue. Mulder came out of the steamy bathroom to find Scully dozing on the couch. Instead of joining her he went into the kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee. As he puttered around her kitchen she woke up with a start crying out for him. "Fox... Fox!!" Hearing her he scrambled out of the kitchen, spilling hot coffee on himself in the process. "Shit." He swore, shaking the hot liquid from his hand. He came up beside her. "Hey it's ok I'm still here." She gave him a shy smile as he sat down next to her and put his arms around her. She tucked her head under his chin, kissing his Adam's apple. They were both startled by the phone ringing. Scully reached over Mulder and grabbed the phone. "Hello, oh um... yes Sir. I'm sorry I didn't call. No he's with me. Yes, he's fine we're both fine." As Scully was talking Mulder watched her. "Skinner?" He questioned. She nodded. "I'm glad to hear that Dana, Listen I don't want to see either of you in the office till next week. Then I want to see both of you in my office Monday at 10:00. And Dana, I'm really glad you both found your way back to each other." Scully hung up the phone and turned to Mulder. "Skinner's given both of us the rest of the week off. He wants to see both of us in his office on Monday morning." She brushed his hair back from his forehead. He looked so cute; without anything to tame his hair it merely fell into his eyes. "I should call my Mom." Scully said reaching for the phone again. "Yeah you go ahead I'm gonna try to get some more coffee." He rose and went into the kitchen. Returning as she finished. "Mom wants us to come over as soon as we're up to it." Mulder set a cup down beside her and massaged her shoulders while she sipped the steaming brew. He pulled her closer to him and she snuggled into him. "You look tired Dana, do you want me to go and let you rest?" Scully hugged his waist tightly."No, please I want you to stay with me." The smile he gave her at those words lit up the dim room. She saw the light in his eyes that she hadn't seen in so long. "I'll always be here for you Dana" He spoke softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Meeting her soft lips passionately. Caressing her face with his fingers, As she ran her fingers through his hair. Letting her fingers slowly travel down the stubble on his jaw, down the side of his neck and to the collar of his t-shirt. He knew what she wanted So help him he wanted it too. Oh how he wanted for her to run her soft hands all over him. Not to mention what he wanted to do with her, to her. But he wanted to give her more than that, so much more.So with more self control than he thought he had, he stopped her hand and pulled back and looked deep in her eyes. He lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed them, sweetly. Scully looked at him quizzically. "Fox what is it, what's wrong? Don't you want.." He stopped her with a finger on her lips. "Yes I do, so much. You know that, I want to give you so much more, Dana, you deserve so much more. We've waited this long, would you be dissapointed if I told you I wanted to savour this a little longer?" She was so grateful for this man. She kissed his cheek. "Fox, I could never be dissapointed with you. You're right we both deserve more. I love you honey." They both laid back on the couch, he reached for the TV remote and turned it on. Finally they fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning Mulder awoke not remembering where he was. The momentary panic gave way to utter joy when he looked down to see the love of his life sleeping peacefully in his arms. He was on his back and she was snuggled comfortably on his chest. She looked like an angel in the morning sunlight. His own beautiful angel. Although her couch was two feet shorter than he was, he had never felt more comfortable. He was in absolute bliss just holding her and watching her sleep. Dana finally stirred against him and slowly opened her eyes. She cocked her head and looked up. She caught her breath as she looked into his eyes. She thought she had never seen him with a more beautiful smile than the one he was wearing at that moment. She felt like she would drown in his unbelievable green eyes. "Good morning beautiful. How did you sleep?" "Wonderfully. How about you, Were you able to sleep? You should've moved me so you could get comfortable." "No way, I wanted you right here in my arms. I slept like a baby." He tightened his arms around her; absently tracing circles on her back. As good as it felt to be there with him she reluctantly got up and allowed him to stretch his long legs. "Why don't you make us some coffee while I take a shower." He nodded but pulled her back to kiss him before he allowed her to leave. They sat and drank coffee and ate the muffins he went to get while she was in the shower. "Well." She said. "We've got a whole week off what are we going to do with ourselves." A mischievous grin spread across his face. "I heard about a little out of the way place just know you'd enjoy." He leaned across the table and breathed into her ear. "Really *enjoy*, If you know what I mean." His voice, which was low and very suggestive sent shivers down her spine. With his lips tickling her ear and his voice deep and husky, he continued "This place has had multiple UFO sightings in the last two weeks. We could check it out. What do ya say Scully?" She pushed him away playfully and decided to beat him at his own game. So she came around to his chair and sat down in his lap. She put her lips up to his ear and breathed softly into it, almost kissing his lobe. With the most suggestive voice she could muster she wispered. "Or we could stay here and I could check you out instead. I think you'd really *enjoy* that so much more." Then she quickly jumped up off him leaving him with his mouth hanging open. It felt so good for things to be back to normal. Well as normal as things ever were for them, he thought. "Both ideas sound great but why don't you go out with me tonight." He asked. "What?" Sometimes even she couldn't keep up with his fast moving brain. "I'm asking you out on a date. I want to take you someplace nice, really nice I mean black tie and everything." He never ceased to surprise her. "Sure Fox, that sounds great." ************************* Mulder left Scully's apartment and went straight to see Skinner. The powers that be had gone too far this time. He knew that he'd never be able to catch up with everyone who was most responsible for this latest attempt on himself and Scully. He vowed that he'd get someone and hang them for this. Skinner was already working on some leads. "Listen Mulder, I want you to take some time off. I assure you that I will personally work at finding those responsible." "Sir, you know that I won't be able to rest until I find out who did this." "Mulder I know you want answers; I want them as much as you do. You're too close to this and you know it. You don't have to fix everything yourself. Just take a vacation and let me handle this and I promise I'll have a name for you by the time you get back." "We both know who is most responsible and there's no way in hell that we're going to be able to pin this on them." "Maybe so but there's someone out there. We may not be able to get the men at the top; but we'll find the one who did the dirty work. We'll find him and he will answer for it." Mulder ran a hand through his hair; he was glad to have Dana back yet his frustration and anger was clearly visible. He couldn't stand the thought of being a pawn; subject to the whim of those who lurked in dark shadows. As much as Mulder hated backing down from this one he knew that Skinner was right. He wanted nothing more than to find the bastard who had done this and beat the living shit out of him or them. He wouldn't let his emotions dictate his actions; he had Dana to think about. He let out an exasperated sigh; and looked over at Skinner "Alright; I know I don't have to tell you that I hate this. I'll back off and let you handle it; but I want to be there when you bring this guy in." "Don't worry Mulder we'll find the guy; I promise." Skinner watched as Mulder exited his office. He knew he didn't have much time to find what he was looking for. Mulder wasn't going to stay away from this one for long. Skinner started to retrace the events of the last six months. It had to be the consortium using someone on the inside pulling the strings to separate Mulder and Scully. He went back over the personnel files of everyone who had been close enough to Scully in order to have been able to drug her. He was about to call it a night when his eyes fell across a familiar date in one of the files. The first day Scully had been called away to Quantico. The pieces started to click together in Skinner's head. "Clive Faronson? Transferred to the *same* lab on the *same* day as Scully and sent to assist her?" Sure it could be coincidence; but Skinner didn't believe in coincidence. Clutching the file in one hand Skinner grabbed his coat and rushed out of his office. He hoped Faraonson hadn't skipped out yet. The man was slick he managed to plant himself where he could go unnoticed. Skinner checked with the department head; Faronson had come into work as usual that morning. "Smooth, really smooth" mused Skinner. Leaving abruptly would have called attention to himself. Or maybe he just wanted to stick around to admire his handiwork. Either way he wasn't going to get the satisfaction. Skinner would find him and bring him in. Skinner looked through the lab and asked the other agents but Faronson was nowhere to be found. One man remembered seeing Faronson leave for the day. Skinner thanked the agent and hurried out to his car. As Skinner walked up to the building Faraonson had given as his apartment he scanned the area looking for possible escape routes. He boarded the elevator and exited on the third floor. Skinner knocked on Faranson's door. After a few minutes he was satisfied that the man wasn't home. He used his pick gun to enter the darkened apartment. He searched every room, when he got to the bedroom he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Faronson's clothes and personal items were still there. Luckily it seemed that the man hadn't made his escape yet. Skinner went back into the living room and sat down to wait for man who'd nearly destroyed Mulder and Scully. An hour later Skinner heard the sound of a key in the lock. He quickly drew his Glock and trained it on the front door. Faronson nonchalantly walked into his darkened apartment unaware that his time had just run out. Skinner was on him in a second. He spoke calmly as he securely handcuffed the man. "Faronson you've been very busy and you've got a lot to answer for." *************************** At eight PM Dana was putting the finishing touches on her make-up. She made sure she got rid of all her old lipsticks and bought a new one that afternoon. Mulder walked up to Scully's door adjusting his bow tie it had taken him 20 minutes to tie it and it still didn't look right. Oh well if he held up the roses he'd gotten Dana maybe she wouldn't notice. He wanted everything to be perfect tonight. He knocked at her door and patiently waited for her to answer. When she did his jaw dropped for the second time that day. She was more beautiful than he'd ever seen her, and he'd seen her look pretty damn beautiful. She was in a floor length black evening gown, off the shoulder with a scalloped neckline. The black contrasted with her soft ivory skin and shimmering auburn hair. As for Scully she thought there ought to be a law against any man looking so unbelievably sexy in a tux. Maybe she was biased but she had never seen anyone look that good in a tux. Except for his tie, which was in a bunch at the side of his collar "You're so beautiful Dana." He said as she retied his tie. "So are you Fox." She patted his tie as he dipped his head down to kiss her. Then he stopped midway, leaving her hanging expectantly. "What's wrong?" she asked in fear. Fox looked in her eyes "Dana, are you sure your lipstick isn't still drugged? I mean, I don't want to fail my next drug test." He wagged his eyebrows mischievously. "Keep talking FBI man; you won't get kissed till I pass another drug test," she said with mock seriousness. "That'll take at least a day you know." He took her face in both hands, "I don't think I can wait that long I guess I'll just have to take my chances." He sealed her mouth with his own in a deep kiss. ********************************** Scully was totally enraptured by this evening it was like something out of a fairy tale. Dinner at a magnificent restaurant and the man she was so deeply in love with. After they finished dinner they sat and talked and sipped champagne. She excused herself to go to the ladies room. Fox stood up and pulled back her chair. He looked over at the dance floor the band was getting ready to start the music. He glanced over towards where Dana went before going over to the bandstand and talking to one of the musicians. He had just sat down when Dana reappeared. He got quickly to his feet and pulled out her chair for her. After a few minutes he heard the music start. He smiled when he recognized the song. He got up and held out a hand to her." Can I have this dance, Dana?" Dana looked up at him, mezmerized and simply put her hand in his. He led her to the dance floor, and encircled her waist with his arm. She put a hand on his shoulder as he effortlessly glided her across the dance floor. She started to speak,"Fox..." but he stopped her. "Just listen to the words sweetheart,I had them play this especially for you." She sighed happily as the words spilled over them. You could have kissed me like this wasn't gonna last. Kept me from saying something I'll never take back You could have held me like there was no chance of me waking up where I am. You could've stopped short of every dream I've ever had. To dance with her was a dream. Just being with her was his most precious dream come true. He held her tighter; reveling in the feeling of her in his arms. So help me girl you've gone too far it's way too late to save my heart The way it feels each time we touch. I know I've never been so loved. And I can't help myself; so help me girl. She gazed up at him; he looked like he was in heaven. In all her life she never imagined having someone so wonderful, someone who loved her so completely. You had to be there until the sun came up. Making last night feel like a vision. Of things yet to come. You just had to hold me like nobody else. Look" what you've gone and done. You had to love me. Well I just can`t get enough, So help me girl you've gone too far it's way too late; to save my heart. The way it feels each time we touch. I know I've never been so loved. And I can't help myself so help me girl. Abandoning the usual slow waltz position he released her hand and pulled her close to him.Almost getting a buzz from the delicate scent of her perfume.She in turn wrapped her arms around his neck. Breathing in the intoxicating aroma of his cologne. She loved the way he smelled. They continued to hold each other in their arms. It was true neither one of them had ever felt so loved. As the music began to fade Fox bent his head down and met Dana's lips half-way. They kissed passionately till the song ended and the next began. They had fallen right into each other. They couldn't help themselves and they would never be alone. Fox led her back to their table She sighed at the familiar sensation of his hand at her back. "Fox this evening has been so wonderful, Thank you so much." He just smiled and thought to himself *It's not over yet.* He pulled out her chair for her to sit and brought his own closer to her. "Dana you know how I feel about you, you've always known. I know I don't have to say the words but I want to say them anyway. I love you Dana. I love you so much that the words just aren't enough. He took her hand in both of his; bringing her fingertips to his lips, kissing them softly. Their eyes said so much without words a multitude of unspoken words passed between intense green eyes to soft baby blues. They were meant to be together, of that they were certain. *************************** Mulder pulled his car into the parking lot of Scully's building. He got out and went around and opened her car door. Scully took his offered hand as they walked into the building. Mulder leaned up against the side of door frame as she fumbled in her purse for her keys. Never taking his eyes off her he reached his hand out to weave his fingers into her hair. When she finally opened the door and walked inside he paused at the door; waiting to see if she wanted him to come in. Scully turned; sensing his feelings. She held out a hand to him. "Come in and sit with me Fox." He gave her a lopsided grin, and taking her hand; he joined her on the couch. When she looked at him and smiled; he felt a surge of warm tenderness spread through his chest. He reached his hand out to softly caress her shoulder. "What is it, Dana?" She shook her head. "I'm seeing you in a whole new light Fox." she said, with an amused tone in her voice. "Well, is that a bad thing?" "No, not at all. I just..." She laughed to herself. "Hey, what is it? Tell me." "It's just funny. When I first met you I thought you were egotistical, arrogant, rude, ..." Mulder smiled. "Stop. You're gonna explode my head with all this flattery, ." She smirked at him. "Well, that's what I thought. But, the more I got to know you, the more I realized that you were putting on an act. It was your way of keeping people at a distance. To keep them from hurting you. We both do the same thing, except that I keep people away by being detached and professional. But, it seems like somewhere down the line we let our guard down; we let ourselves get close. We know each other so well; it almost amazes me how much we know each other." Mulder nodded. "Yeah, you're right about that. You are the only person who knows me as well as I know myself; maybe even better. We did get closer than I expected we'd get; but I think that was only natural since we've been partners so long." Then suddenly, his face took on a worried expression. "Are you sorry you let me get so close to you, Dana?" She shook her head and touched his cheek "No, Fox. I will never be sorry about the step we've taken. It's just that I..." Mulder looked at her uncomprehendingly. "Dana what is it? You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. All you have to do is tell me what you want." When she looked up into his eyes, he nearly gasped. She had never looked at him like she was now. With a fire and intensity he'd never seen before. Her eyes held so many emotions that he was thunderstruck at the power in her deep blue eyes. Words without a sound fell from their eyes. "I want *you* Fox." Mulder's heart nearly stopped. Dana reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "All I want is you," she said again. Mulder swallowed dryly, nearly lost in her touch. For the past six months it seemed like she would never want him ever again. And yet, here she was saying the words he had been longing for five years to hear her say. When they had started to explore their feelings for each other he hadn't wanted to push; he wanted to give them both time. He didn't want to mess this relationship up. But now they both realized how much they wanted each other; needed each other. Mulder pulled her close and kissed her with all the pent-up emotion of five years of longing. They both felt a surge of electricity pass between them. They were soul-mates that were created just for the other. It was a feeling that could no longer be denied. A connection like theirs wasn't found often. Only once in a lifetime. She rested her forehead against his neck, and for many minutes they were quiet, as their silent communication took over. They didn't need words. Their hearts spoke to each other. After a few minutes, Mulder looked down into Dana's eyes, reveling in the deep blue. "When you were assigned to work with me on that first case. Somehow I felt that I could open up to you. For the first time in my life I felt that I found someone I could talk to. You listened to me without condemning me; there has never been anyone in my life that's ever done what you've done for me. Before I met you I didn't love anything. I could take it or leave it. You brought out a want in me; things I didn't even know that I needed. You've done more than been my partner; you've made me realize that I'm not alone.You don't know how foreign that feels to me. I've been alone for so much of my life." She pulled him close and just held him; not wanting to move. She lost herself in the feel of him in her arms. It felt so right to be holding him,as if their arms were made for each other. She slowly pushed his jacket off and then discarded his tie and she wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder. Mulder brushed his hand across her neck and shoulder; he couldn't believe how soft her skin felt. He wanted to feel her close to him. They both could feel the other's heart beating and could hear each other's rapid breathing. Dana buried her head in his neck and kissed all along his jaw. Then she breathed into his neck,"You won't be alone anymore, Fox. Not while you're with me." He smiled and kissed her passionately, feeling as though he was kissing a bolt of lightning. There was such a charge of raw power between them; it took his breath away. She ran her hands slowly down his shirt; feeling his heart pounding beneath the silky fabric. She fumbled with the first two buttons on his shirt as he slowly edged the neckline of her dress further down her shoulder. He chuckled as she struggled to open his shirt. This time there was no hesitation on his part; he knew what she wanted; what they both wanted. He was more than willing to give her anything. He stilled her hands and undid the last few buttons himself as she tugged his shirttail out of his pants. Soon, she pulled away from him and reluctantly stood up. Taking her outstretched hand, he stood as well, and followed her into the bedroom.He stopped in the doorway and touched her cheek tenderly. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." It was such an honest statement, such a declaration of emotion and trust, that Dana wanted to gather him in her arms forever. "No matter what happens in the future; you're the one I want to spend my life with." She said softly as she caressed his cheek. It touched him deeply to know that a woman as amazing as Dana would choose him. He smiled at her, in the dim light of her bedroom, and watched in wonder as the silver light of the moon shining through a crack in the curtain made her hair glow and shimmer. Mulder suddenly had to blink, as his love for Dana nearly overwhelmed him. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you." Dana let a single tear fall down her cheek, she slid her hand down his forearm and led him inside and closed the door. *********************************** END Positive feedback greatly appreciated redtyger37@hotmail.com MULDER: Scully; you're the only person I trust. MULDER: If there's an iced tea in that bag... It could be love SCULLY: It must be fate Mulder,.... Root beer. SCULLY: I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you Mulder. We have with our needles made one flower. Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion. Both warbling one song, both in one key. As if our hands, our sides, our voices and minds; Had been incorporate. So we grew together. Like to a double cherry, seeming parted. But yet a union in partition; Two lovely berries moulded on one stem. So with two seeming bodies; But with one heart. William Shakespeare Midsummer Night's Dream Act III Sc ii They were never alone They were never that far part... They were glued together, body and soul That much more with their backs up against the wall. James Taylor Never Die Young Mulder to Krychek---"If those are my last words I can do better."